It felt like an assault; a beating I gave myself. When I grew dizzy, my nose burned with unshed tears.
I want my Papa.
Reaching for my phone, I held it with two hands. The pad of my thumb was coated in sweat, and it took me three tries to swipe it across the screen. Knees to my chest, I positioned it at my ear and drew in a breath as it rang.
“Solnyshko.”
Fuck.The air pushed out of me like an old balloon, and I gasped around his name. “Ivan.”
“What’s wrong?”
He made a violent sound, one that soothed me more than it frightened me.
“How do you watch me?”
“What?”
“On a screen? Did you bug me? Are you, like, lurking in the windows like a 1980s stalker? Are you watching right now?”
I wanted him to say yes.
Neededit.
“The room you're in doesn’t have a camera, baby, but as soon as you step through that door, I’ll have eyes on you.”
The bottoms of my feet were numb, and my calves shook as I gave them all my weight, slipping on my tights as I ran through the room. Aboomtouched my ears when the heavy door bounced against the wall. Eyes frantic, I scanned the high ceilings for a camera. A little dome sat in the farthest corner, projecting a small beam of blinking red.
Sweat pooled at the nape of my neck, and I reminded myself what oxygen felt like as I positioned myself right in front of it.
“Marcos…”
“I couldn’t breathe,” I said.
“I’m sorry?”
“I couldn’t breathe.” My eyes slammed shut. “That’s what was wrong. My lungs started a mutiny against me.”
I moved then, bending my knees and placing one palm on the ground. Chin low, my eyes glossed over, and my throat convulsed with a caged scream.
“That hallway,” I choked. “I can’t go in there, Ivan. It’s just withering in trauma and leftover vomit.”
“Put your hand on your throat,” he said, and I dropped to my knees to obey him. “Good boy. That breath is really trapped in there, huh?”
I nodded.
“Rub lightly, baby, just like I do at home.”
It was all wrong… the size of my hand, the absence of his scent.
“Papa.”
“I know, baby. I’m almost there. Just outside.”
My spine stiffened, and for the second time in five minutes, I took off running. My palms stung when I slammed them against the glass door, shoving it open. Cool air slapped me in the face, and my tights got caught against the sidewalk, but he was there, grabbing me beneath the armpits and lifting.
I wrapped a leg around his waist and pushed a hand into his beard. Face in his neck, I shuddered once, and then I started to scream.
The noise was sharp, and it tore at the lining of my throat like glass, but it snapped the binds that were trapped against my lungs.
