I needed to present Pip to the Queen. She’d either find him wildly irritating or call him an amusement.
“Let’s go.” I waved for him to follow. “Inside.”
It turned out Pip was not prepared for the inside of a palace.
“This is a castle.” Pip stopped. Palms flat against stone, cheek against granite, as if he could absorb the building. “Like a real life castle. Holy shit. This is the weirdest fucking dream.”
“I don’t think it’s a—”
“Holyshit.” He knocked on the wall with his knuckles. Knocked again, harder. Pressed his ear to it. “Is it solid all the way through? How thick are these walls? If this isn’t a set, could it be a dream?”
“You seem wide awake to me.”
He snickered, stopped at a door. “What’s in here?” He was already reaching for the handle.
“Don’t open that.”
He opened it anyway and peered inside. “I still can’t tell if this is a dream, or the most realistic immersive experience I’ve ever seen. And I can’t ask you, can I? Because dream you would lie! Look at those wooden barrels. They look like wooden barrels!”
I shut the door with a firm click, then closed a hand around his elbow to steer him forward.
We made it past two more doors before he darted for a third. This one was ajar, revealing a narrow staircase spiraling into darkness. Pip was three steps down before I caught his tiny shirt and hauled him back.
“Where does that go?”
“The dungeons.”
“You have dungeons?” He winked. “I suppose that does make sense if this is a dream. Is there a St. Andrew’s cross? Always wanted to get tied to one of those, and spanked and called a slut, but no one ever has one. Bit tough to store in apartments. Want to go try a few things out? Do you have floggers?”
“No.”
“No floggers, or no tying me up?”
I closed my eyes and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “No to all of it.”
“I feel like that’s negotiable. Maybe if I were more naked, you’d get my vision.”
“How could you be more nak—“
His eyes sparkled and his hands went to the hem of his shirt.
“Keep it on.”
“You can demonstrate anything you like on me, Al.”
“Aeldryc.”
“That’s what I said. I hope you become a little less uptight before this dream ends, because you’re hot as fuck, and I’d like to see you naked.”
I was going to murder him before we even made it to the Queen’s chambers.
The palace staff pressed themselves against the walls. Pip moved through them like a force of nature. A scullery maid carrying a stack of plates nearly dropped them. A page boy froze mid-step and stared. Pip waved at all of them with the enthusiasm of a man running for public office.
Pip beamed at me. “Everyone here is so friendly. I wonder if that’s because it’s how my subconscious would envision them.”
As he waved at kitchen staff, his eyes cataloged every corridor, door, and guard post. He moved like a spy on reconnaissance, his endless chatter a potential smokescreen. Could the cheer be a mask?
We rounded into the main gallery. Long, high-ceilinged, lined with enchanted torches burning gold and amber. Pip stopped dead.
