My dad considered that and then said, “Both.”
Then he took a sip from the pint glass, realized it was water, and tried to order another bourbon. “Bartender!” he called, like a man who really didn’t spend a lot of time in bars. “Another bourbon, please!”
The bartender and I met eyes and then shook our heads at each other, likeNope.
My dad patted the table where my drink should be and said, “What are you drinking?”
“Nobody’s drinking anything,” I said, pulling out my phone. “Especially not you.”
“What are you doing?” my dad asked, watching my phone as I typed.
“I’m texting Mom.”
“Don’t text Mom,” my dad said. “She hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” I corrected. “She’sgiven up on you. That’s different.”
“I don’t want her to see me like this.”
“Too bad,” I said. “I’m in the middle of my own personal crisis.”
To my mom, I typed:Dad is drunk at the tiki bar and just collapsed. Please get here ASAP. He needs to see the ship’s doc!
Was I allowing the situation to sound a bit more dire than it was? Of course. I wasn’t leaving my dad here alone. Not until I had a replacement. Which would’ve been nice likefive minutes ago.
Next, I texted Cooper.
I need to talk to you,I typed—and hit Send.
Then I added,ASAP!!!
Then I sent one more:Come find me. I’m in the tiki bar with my drunk dad.
Then I set my phone on the table, face up, as I set about giving my dad some top-notch relationship advice while I waited for reinforcements. “Okay,” I said, like I’d had just about enough of this nonsense. “You need to pull it together. Mom didn’t reject you.”
“She definitely did. She said, and I quote, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’”
“I reject her rejection,” I said.
“Is that allowed?”
“You didn’t make your case for yourself!” I said. “She’s making the same decision as before because she only has the same information as before. You haven’ttalkedto her.”
“I can’t talk to her,” my dad said.
“Sure you can,” I said. “You’ve been married thirty years.”
“That’s exactly the problem,” my dad said. “It’s because we’ve been married thirty years.”
I was just about to gently explain to him that he was making zero sense when he went on.
“I’ve built my whole life around her. She’s the reason I do everything. She’s the reason I get up in the morning. She’s the reason I go to work. I don’t know who I am without your mom—orwhyI am. But there’s no way to explain that to her. There aren’t words in the world that can capture it.”
“Dad!” I said, totally making heart eyes. “You’re a complete romantic!”
“I know what you’re thinking,” my dad said. “You’re thinking how can she mean that much to me when I was never around?”
“I mean, I wasn’t thinking that. But it’s a good question.”
