“Oh, hey,” Harmony said.
There was a guy out of focus behind her, buttoning his shirt.
“Hey, Harmony,” I said.
“I guess you’re here,” she said.
“I guess you are, too.”
“Oh, I’mdefinitelyhere,” Harmony said, glancing back at her gentleman friend. Then she looked down at the flowered lei looped over the door handle. “You didn’t see the lei?”
“I saw it,” I said. “I just didn’t know it was yours.”
“It’s mine,” Harmony said.
“Ah. Well.” What to say? “It’s very pretty?”
“I’m using it like a sock,” Harmony said then.
Cooper and I glanced at each other.
“A sock?” I asked.
“You know. Like in college. If there’s a sock on the doorknob…?”
But I didn’t know. “Why would anyone put a sock on a doorknob?”
That’s when Cooper nudged me.
But too late. Harmony launched into a full explanation. “People put socks on doorknobs for their roommates if they’re having sex in theroom and don’t want their roommate coming in and ruining everything. Like you just did.”
Oh.
“Why asock, though?” I asked.
“I get it,” Cooper said. “It’s like a doorknob condom.”
I glanced sideways. “Please don’t ever saydoorknob condomagain.”
Cooper’s shrug was almost playful. “That just makes me want to say it more.”
Harmony went on: “And since pretty much everything about the cruise industry is pure evil, from the sewage they dump into the ocean, to the way they exploit their workers, to the chances of all of us getting murdered—which are like fifty percent—I am not thrilled to be here,at all, and I’ll be putting that lei to use as much as possible to console myself.”
“The chances of us all getting murdered arefifty percent?” Cooper asked.
Just as I asked, “Why did you RSVP yes, then?”
Between the two questions, Harmony chose mine. “For the gambling,” she answered.
I nodded, likeHuh.
“The point is,” Harmony went on, “you’ll be seeing this lei a lot. Get it? Because I’ll be getting lei’d.”
“Got it,” Cooper and I said at the same time.
“You’re welcome to use it, too,” Harmony said.
“Thank you?” I said.
