“I’ll be holding it,” Amira pronounces when she sees the toilet.
It’s a very small vessel. We’ll be in tight quarters for the trip from our Caribbean island to Corpus Christi.
I take the captain’s chair, Briar sitting in the one beside me.
“Gussie, close,” I say, and the door hisses lightly as it closes and seals.
Briar and I exchange a look. She’s nervous. I think we all are.
“Anyone change their mind about going?” I ask turning around to look at the crew. “Pax?”
“Nope. I’m good.”
I turn back and fasten my safety belt, Briar threading her fingers through mine. “Okay, let’s do it. Gussie, take us to Corpus Christi.”
EPILOGUE
“I hate what they did to her. I’ll never forgive them. I joined for her, to make her proud of me.” – Decoded message from ILF undercover operative Nightingale to ILF handler Hiro Tanaka
Amira
I sip from my canteen, the taste of vomit still fresh in my mouth.
Corpus Christi is in southern Texas. That’s a long way from Carson City. But still, my heart races as we draw closer to the red dot on the sub’s screen that represents our destination.
“Are you okay?” Briar asks, her brow furrowed with worry.
I nod and plaster on a smile. “I’m good.”
I tried to meditate my way out of the anxious state I’ve been in for the entire ten-hour trip, but a few minutes ago, I threw up. It settled my stomach a little, but did nothing for my nerves.
It’ll either be fine, or it’ll be catastrophic. There’s not really an in-between.
Evander is staring into space across from me. When he was recovering back on the island, I wanted to ask him what they did to him in that dungeon.
Not that it’s any of my business. And of course, I didn’t ask. But secretly, I want to know. Did they start slow? Was it like it used to look in movies, where fingernails get removed one at a time? Did he ever break?
I could have stayed on the island. In fact, I came close. But Briar is like the sister I always wanted and never had. I would have regretted not going back to the mainland with her.
Getting to Mae won’t be easy. And getting her out of a commander’s heavily guarded home will be even harder.
Briar and I both have theXtattoos on our hands, marking us as women who used birth control. We’ll stand out anywhere we go on the mainland, and we’re automatically considered the enemy to anyone loyal to New America.
Not only that, Briar is ... well,Briar. Lochlan Murphy’s people will recognize her, and when they do, she’ll be in grave danger. She can stay hidden if I’m there to take her place in a rescue mission that requires someone going into the house.
I wipe sweat from my temple, hot despite the sub’s cool temperature. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.
My memories of Donovan are distant sometimes and painfully potent other times. I can go weeks hardly thinking of him, and then a word or a smell that reminds me of him will knock the wind out of me.
The ebb and flow of grief is something I’ve learned to live with. I got to have a great love, and not everyone does. Romantic love is in my past, but love takes many forms.
I love Briar. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. Caring for people again has been a double-edged sword for me. I love Nova and Ellison, too, and saying goodbye to them gutted me.
Niran was a friend I cared for a lot, even though he drove me crazy. I don’t know if it was love, but he was important to me. His betrayal of Marcus hurt because it felt like a betrayal of all of us.
Marcus and I aren’t close, but I trust him and I know he’s got my back. He and Briar are my only people now, and I plan to keep it that way. I’ll be the third wheel—it doesn’t bother me.
“Ascending,” Gussie’s automated voice announces.
