We’d both known tonight wouldn’t last forever…
I was certain my sudden despair and melancholy were written all over me, because Tarik frowned. He opened his mouth. “Lady Ros—”
“No,” I blurted out in a breathless whisper, not wanting to hear whatever it was he intended to say, especially if it was regret. “Please don’t say that what happened between us was a mistake. I couldn’t bear it if you did because tonight was the most extraordinary thing that has ever happened to me, and I never want to forget it.”
“Extraordinary?” he asked, though his voice sounded much too forlorn for my liking.
I nodded. “Beyond so. The truth is I don’t want to let you go, Tarik. It feels like walking away from this would be the biggest blunder of our lives.”
His eyes fluttered shut at the sound of his name. He swallowed, so many sentiments crashing and tangling in his expression when those eyes opened. “I’m not who your father would choose for you, Rosalin. I cannot offer you the life you deserve.”
“I don’t care,” I said urgently, leaning forward to grasp his hands. “We will figure it out.”
“You’re a lady, accustomed to all the finer things in life. Diamonds, jewels, fancy balls, carriages, a glorious home. I can’t afford to give you any of those things.”
“I don’t need any of that as long as I have you,” I replied, but I could feel him pulling away with every ragged heartbeat between us.
His voice was soft. “Rosalin, I’m common born. Even if I am wildly successful with my business venture, the fruits of my labor are far away. Years, even.”
“Then we’ll talk to my father, and I will wait as long as it takes. Because I have no doubt you’ll succeed.”
Face tight, he exhaled. “Even if your father agrees, which we both know he won’t, what of your friends in theton? Lady Ela? Lady Zia? Your cousin Ansel? Even Lord Blake. You’ll stop seeing them and going to grand parties and balls because you’ll have given up the life of a lady? I could never make you do that.”
As his words sank in, underscored by his defeated tone asthough he’d already given up on the idea of us, I bit my lip so hard I winced. “Do you think that’s all I want? That I’m so shallow? In truth, I would live in a hovel if I could look up at the stars every day with the person I cherish most in the world.” I sucked in a breath as the possibility of us shone like a beacon of hope in my imaginings. “The promise of more is worth any sacrifice, is it not?”
His fingers squeezed mine, that beautiful face sad and solemn. “Have you ever gone hungry? So hungry that you drank water just to fill your belly from one day to the next, not knowing how or when your next meal would come? Have you done the one thing you swore you would never do—steal—just to snatch a burned crust of bread to feed your siblings?”
Shocked, I loosened my grasp and recoiled at the insinuation. That I didn’t know what it meant to suffer hardship. I might not have experienced it myself, but I wasn’t naïve. I knew that there were people in London who were starving—Mama had made sure to educate us on the importance of helping the less fortunate. Several of her charitable organizations regularly donated food and medicine to the poor, and easing the plight of the less fortunate was one of the reasons I volunteered my help at my local parish.
“What do you mean? Haveyou?”
“I know people who have, and I’ve seen what it does to them.” Tarik reached forward and gripped my hands again, despite my reluctance. “I’m not judging you or saying that you don’t empathize. I only mean that it’s easy to say you could live without something from the vantage point of never having experiencedthe loss of it. Poverty is adversity at its most distressing. And I would never want anything bad to ever touch you.” He squeezed, his throat working with emotion as he fought to get the words out. “No, if you were mine, I would want to give you everything…a life of love and laughter, and especially one without discomfort. You deserve that and more.”
“Is that what you want? For me to be yours?” The feelings flying through me were exhilarated one moment and despondent the next. It sounded like he wanted to pursue a future with me while trying to convince himself and me that he was not good enough. I had to make him understand that he was. “Because I wantyouto bemine.”
One side of his lip curved up into a half smile as he reached out to cup my cheek. “You’re not afraid of anything, are you?”
“Me?I’m terrified of everything,” I sputtered. “I’m terrified of who I am, of my future and being auctioned off to some poxy peer, of not taking chances…of what’s happening between us right now…” I trailed off, the words sticking like honey in my throat. “And most of all, of never feeling like this ever again. I don’t want to lose you.” I whispered the last bit, my eyes lifting and colliding with his just as the carriage came to a halt.
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
I turned my face into his palm. “Then don’t.”
“It’s that easy?” he said softly.
“Nothing worth keeping is ever easy. We have to fight for what we want, even when all the odds might be against us.”
He exhaled, staring at me with that same look of wonder. “I’ve never known anyone like you, Rosalin. So full of optimismand hope. Utterly indomitable. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me. I owe you and Roz so much.”
My heart, flying so impossibly high, sank like a stone as the cold weight of reality hit with those words. Hedidn’towe me anything, much less my lying alter ego. Heavens, I had to be honest. I had to tell him the truth of who I really was.
“Tarik, I need to tell—”
But the moment was lost when the coachman rapped sharply on the door, making us both jump. And then Tarik’s lips were erasing the sense from my brain as he cupped my cheeks and kissed me passionately. He pulled away much too quickly for my liking.
“Before you go, I want to request you meet me next Saturday evening,” he said huskily.
I blinked. “The night of Mama’s ball?”
