She looks at me, her expression suddenly serious. “I think she’s real. Because she brings you money when you lose parts of yourself. And she gave me two whole dollars.”
I laugh. “You’re very smart, Maisie.”
“I know.” She leans her head on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re home, Mommy.”
“I’m glad I’m home too.”
We play until her eyelids start to droop. It’s almost ten, way past her bedtime.
“Alright, monster,” I say, gathering up the cards. “Time to brush teeth and hit the hay.”
“Can I sleep in your bed?” she asks, rubbing her eyes with a fist.
“Of course you can.”
We go inside, leaving Jude and Dorian still talking quietly in the kitchen. The house is quiet now, the heavy snow dampening the sounds of the town.
I help Maisie change into her pajamas—flannel pants with penguins on them and a matching shirt. She brushes her teeth, humming a song I don’t recognize, and then crawls under the duvet.
I get changed myself, pulling on an oversized T-shirt and sweatpants. I climb in next to her, turning off the lamp. The room plunges into darkness, save for the faint glow of the nightlight near the closet.
Maisie curls into my side, her head on my chest. Her breathing evens out almost immediately, heavy and deep.
I stare at the ceiling, my eyes adjusting to the dark. I trace the lines of the phoenix on my wrist with my thumb, feeling the raised skin of the tattoo.
For months, my only goal has been stability. Getting out of bed, feeding Maisie, keeping a roof over our heads, making sure she never sees the things I saw. I’ve given her that. She’s safe here. She’s loved.
But looking at the restaurant pack... feeling the pull toward them... it feels like standing on a cliff edge.
I want to jump. I want to see what it feels like to be cherished by three men who seem to actually see me.
But if I jump, and I fall... I take Maisie with me. I can’t risk shattering the life we’ve built here just because I’m lonely or because Eli makes me feel warm.
Is my happiness really worth risking hers?
The question hangs in the dark, heavy and suffocating. I don’t have an answer. All I have is the sound of my daughter’s breathing and the memory of Eli’s voice saying, “I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.”
I wrap my arm tighter around Maisie, burying my face in her hair.
The last thought I have before I doze off is that I honestly don’t know what to do.
I’m sitting on the stainless steel counter, my legs dangling over the edge. Knox is between my knees, his hands resting on my hips, his gray eyes locked on mine with an intensity that makes my breath hitch.
He doesn’t look angry; he looks focused, like I’m the most important dish he’s ever plated.
“You’re safe here,” he says.
Then Eli is behind me, his chest pressing against my back. He wraps his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck. “We’ve got you, Amber. Always.”
Fallon leans against the prep station nearby, watching us with a lazy grin. “About time you joined the party, Sunshine.”
I reach out, touching Knox’s jaw. Then I lean back into Eli. Then I look at Fallon. I don’t have to choose.
I want them.
I wake up with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in bed.
The room is dark, quiet except for Maisie’s rhythmic breathing. My heart is beating fast, and my skin is flushed, overheated from the dream.
