“It’s okay to push the hurt away for another dae. If that’s what it takes to keep moving forward, let it go until you’re ready to bear the weight.”
I don’t have it in me to say I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. That my heart is so hard and cold I’m surprised it’s still beating.
“I need you to promise me something.” Fallon’s words blast much fiercer than she looks—so fragile tucked amongst the frosty folds of the thick black cloak, her skin pale like the snow clinging to the tips of her dark lashes.
“Anything, Fallon.”
Anything for you.
“You must do whatever it takes to make it safely across the plains. Do you understand? Whatever. It. Takes.”
A heaviness sits on my chest, my next breath a battle. “Why are you saying this?”
“Because there’s so much more for you out there. Things to learn and understand and look forward to.”
Something silver glints in her right eye. A distant speck of light that part of me wants to reach for.
Fall into.
“Promise me you’ll live, Raeve. That you’ll keep breathing. That you’ll keep fighting to find the happiness we’ve spoken about. The color. The love.”
Why does this feel like goodbye?
I push the thought away, just like Fallon suggested. Bundle it up and take it down to the frosty lake within myself, tether it to a stone, and toss it beneath the already shattered surface.
And I allow myself to smile as I tighten my arms and pull Fallon closer. Breathe through her coiled tresses pressed against my cheek, smelling sweet and fresh despite the grime we’ve lived in for as long as I remember. Smelling like all the very best parts of my existence.
My everything.
But it’s a teeth-gritted fight against the urge to tell her I’ll never plant a wish upon a moon. That all the magic she spoke of has already left the world.
That I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to love again.
“I promise, Fallon.” I blink the last of the ache from my eyes, feel its wet residue crystalize against my cheeks as I swallow the lump in my throat. Push it down.
Gone.
“I will live.”
Even if it takes me forever to work out how—
I ease from the dream like stepping from a pool of water—slowly. A little reluctant, and to the gentle motions of Kaan’s thumb swiping something from my cheek. The stingy ache in my eyes tells me exactly what that something is.
Tears.
I sit up, pulling a shuddered breath as I swat my hands across my wet cheeks and clear the plug from my throat, passing a swift scan across the stone hut Kaan shaped for us after Ahvi fell asleep on his back. Hidden, just off an abandoned mineshaft—the walls thick enough we’ve been able to talk openly without fear of being heard.
A spot to rest and eat before we continue the tiring journey through the dark and dangerous depths of the Undercity’s outer roots.
The Book of Voyd is still open by the far wall, shedding its crisp light in place of a campfire, the jagged cleft above letting the odd snowflake sprinkle down. Ahvi’s exactly where we placed him, bundled on my folded cloak with Kaan’s draped over him like a shadow—lined with warming runes. Protection from the cold that’s gotten progressively worse with each step south through the labyrinth mine. Pretty sure Ahvi’sowncloak is lined with them, too … but we were being thorough.
Fussing about, trying to make him comfortable.
“Sorry,” I murmur, looking over my shoulder at Kaan still on his side, using his long pack as a pillow—dented where my head was a moment ago.
A frown shadows his eyes. “Don’t be. You—”
“Ahvi … Has he …”
