I pick them up, hold them high …smile.
Now I just have to grind them down at the sides and ends until they’re honed enough to maneuver into the door and shackle locks. Then find my way free of this warren of misery.
I lift my pallet, placing one bone shard beneath me before I begin grinding the other against the ground, one gentle grate at a time. All the while, Nee flutters about me playfully.
Excitedly.
“Fuirten looik-whíle ou,”I murmur, over and over …
We will survive.
Despite my bone-deep exhaustion, sleep wrestles me—letting me get almost close enough to slip under before shoving me away. Again and again.
I blame it on the silence, the smells, the new environment. Deep down, I know it’s the sticky residue of the memory I discarded after using it to strangle a rock I never want to see again.
Ever.
Even so, I can’t stop my mind from storming, much like the clouds outside …
I’m now certain Elluin was torn from Kaan against her will. That she made a decision based on lack of knowledge or coercion, binding with the male in her memory.
Bribery, perhaps? Though it’s hard to imagine something important enough to do what she did. To go as far asconsummatewhen her heart so utterly belonged to Kaan.
His chest rises and falls beneath my head, his heart pounding a heavy beat that brings me a jarring amount of peace—smooth and comforting.
Alive.
I’ll never get over this sound. A notion that feels fresh, yet …ancient.Anchored to some of the stones buried deep in my icy lake.
If I could sift out the good ones, absorb those, I would. But after seeing what I did—after feeling the choking silence that stuffed Elluin’s mouth and made her feel so hopelessly trapped—I’m not sure I’ll ever have the stomach to swallow the truth. That I’lleverbe able to watch without feeling like I want to rip through the fabric of time and scream at her to fight back.
Tofightfor Kaan like he fights for everything he loves.
I spread my hand farther across his chest. So strong and solid beneath me. Sturdy.
He took my words so gently. Didn’t lash me with frustration or evensuggestI dig deeper and explore the rest of the memory, despite absolutely deserving the truth I’m too cowardly to face.
Once again, he gave me everything and left nothing for himself.
I’ll never be good enough for this male, but I’ll try.
Creators, I’ll fucking try.
A distant screech pierces the atmosphere—faint.
Something inside me shifts so abruptly a wave of nausea almost tips my guts, a chill crawling up my spine. I strain to listen, failing to hear anything bar the sturdythud-umpof Kaan’s heart and his deep, steady breaths.
Perhaps I imagined it?
I close my eyes, try to empty my mind—to sleep—but something keeps tugging me. Like sensing a shift in the weather, but needing to see the change myself; to watch the clouds swell, taste the air sweeten, and feel the first snow eddies buffer my face.
Except it’s already storming, so it can’t be that.
Curiosity gets the better of me.
I kiss Kaan’s eyelids, one at a time, praying to the Creators that he sleeps long and deep. With slow, careful poise, I edge off the pallet and fasten my pants, removing what’s left of my ravaged shirt. I slip into Kaan’s instead, doing my best to ignore the many bloodstains and puncture holes while I tuck it in, buckle one sheath, then don and fasten my cloak and boots.
Whisper-quiet, I move down the stairs,out the front door into the biting cold. Flick up my hood as I step into the courtyard, now covered in a fluffy layer of untouched snow, quickly dented by my booted steps.
