“Got it all trained out of me. I don’t think about it much anymore.” He looks down at his arm deep in thought.
“I bet it’s hard not to think about it, when a reminder is right there every day.”
He looks off in the distance, and I take it as a sign he doesn’t want to go any further. I probably wouldn’t either if I lost an arm, and from what it sounds like, he’s not proud of the circumstances.
“Doesn’t everyone on your planet have to do mandatory military service?” I ask.
“I could start three years early or be shipped off,” he says quietly. “I didn’t even know about the mandatory military service on j’Tilak. Even though I imagined the worst, it was still better than a prison planet.” His voice trails off.
Daisy and Brutus slow down to let the brethren pass, glaring at Tai the entire time. The guilt hasn't gone away. Somehow, in all the commotion, the fact that it was my fault slipped right by them.
The two h’axom walk side by side, close enough for my leg to brush against Tai’s. My bare skin against his khaki-covered leg. Tai looks down at where our legs graze.
“Is the military all that bad?” I ask. The words come out as a whisper, sounding more seductive than they should.
“Absolutely not. It was the best thing that happened to me.”
“You’re lucky. On Earth, most people in your situation are forced into the military because they don’t have any other option and they are tossed to the front lines of some dumb war over who knows what.” My mind plays a sequence of faces of all the boys I grew up with who left right after high school and were never seen again.
“That is troubling, your people would sacrifice human livesfor something trivial,” he says. “Service on j’Tilak is different. Even calling it the military felt silly until recently. We are a peaceful people but have seen battles where we come to the aid of those who are under threat.”
“I wish it was like that everywhere.”
We ride quietly for a while. I mentally process how fucked up it is that putting one’s life at risk is the only way out of poverty for so many. It’s clothes on your back and food in your belly, but I wish there were another way. One that didn’t involve bloodshed.
It feels like I’m being watched. I am relieved to see it’s Tai and not one of the brethren. They have been on my last nerve. All of my attempts at getting them to doubt Boss have completely fallen flat.
“How much do you hate me for making you stay here to help them?” I ask and nod toward the group of brethren in front of us.
“I should say ‘a lot,’ but the truth is, I agree with you. These weirdos deserve better than Boss, and it’s admirable that you want to help them.”
I could fall off my h’axom in shock. I was half joking when I asked him the question and he answered it with sincerity. Admirable? I didn’t know Tai was capable of that emotion, especially toward me.
It’s quite possible I have judged Tai unfairly. Well, not totally unfairly. Because he has been a total ass more than once. But for the first time since I met the grumpy bastard, I’m understanding him a little.
“You’re getting a sunburn,” he says, nodding towards my leg. He’s right. My scantily clad legs have been exposed to the sun all day, and my skin feels hot and stretched tight.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be a bad one,” I say, spreading the small piece of fabric over my leg. The wind blows it away immediately.
“Here, I can help.” He brings Brutus to a stop and jumps down. He steps to me and puts his hands out. Instead of grabbing my hands to help me down, he clutches my waist and pulls me down to the ground softly. Being this close to him, I can smell the clean water on his skin even though he dried off hours ago. I don’t know whereto put my hands, so I rest them on his broad shoulders. The corded muscles bunch under my fingers on one side, and the cool metal shifts on the other. Up close, my eyes are met with the concern in his. I feel cared for. He doesn’t seem so overbearing anymore.
Tai holds me to him longer than necessary. I wait for what comes next, hoping he leans a little closer. But he doesn’t. I stand there frozen and awkwardly wait for something to happen. My eyes drop to his lips.
“What are we doing?” I whisper, unable to stand the tension for another second.
Tai reaches for his belt and, in one swift motion, has it undone.
Fuck me. That was really hot.
Like an idiot, I stare open-mouthed.
Tai undoes his pants and drops them to the sand. He carefully steps out, shakes the sand off, and holds them out for me.
“Here. Put these on.”
“I can’t take your pants!” I push them back toward him. A warm wind blows against my sweaty body and I shiver a little. It was totally from the wind and not the sight of Tai with his pants off. Underneath his pants are tight black shorts clinging to muscular thighs.
I close my eyes and keep pushing his pants back toward him. It’s too much effort to not look down.
