The wind picked up a few hours ago. The sound of it whipping against the tent makes me increasingly agitated. Or worried—maybe a little of both. The image of Bri being buried by the relentless sand weighs heavily on me. No—she’s in her tent. Unless she couldn’t figure out how to set it up.
She’s a grown-ass woman. And let’s not forget how she never passes up an opportunity to tell me she doesn’t need me. Even though she does. If she would only accept my help, things would be a lot easier for both of us.
When Aro asked me to go get her, I could tell he was tickled by the thought of what she would do to me in the process. He knows my history with Bri, mostly. It began the day I learned the human term “wingman.” Bri was amused that Aro needed a wingman to get to know Elowen. Now that I think about it, so was I. That was the only time we agreed on anything. It was fun for both of us to watch him struggle to win her over.
Had anyone else asked me to come get Bri, it would have been an immediateno. Not only is Aro my ranking officer. He’s also the closest thing to a brother I’ve got. So here I am, chasing down someone who doesn’t even want my help on a planet I never wanted to see again.
The ground is hard and unforgiving. It is impossible to find a comfortable position. I toss back and forth trying to settle in for the night, but I can’t stop arguing with Bri in my head. If she had simply followed the most basic survival rules, we’d both be in our respective lifepods waiting for rescue. Instead, I’m here—dead tired, with sand up to my ass—trying to chase her down.
Seared into my brain is the look of pure disgust on her face when I stepped onto the waystation.
“I hope you’re here to apologize,”she growled at me.
“Better. I’m here to take you home.”I acted unaffected by her. I wish it were thecase.
“Ha! I’m not going anywhere with you.”Her eyes narrowed on me.
“Go get your stuff. We’re leaving as soon as I get fuel.”The anger flowing from her grew stronger the closer I got.
I’m ashamed to admit I loomed over her, aiming to use my size to intimidate. Maybe I should’ve tried talking to her instead. But at the time, all rational thought was light-years away.
She pointed an angry finger at me.“I’ll say it again. I’m not going anywhere with you.”Each word was punctuated with a jab to my chest.
Another step closer had me looking straight down at her furious face.“You want to stay here and rot on a station? Fine. I’m simply following orders.”
She flinched, and I knew my comment hit its mark. The only thing that stopped me from tossing her over my shoulder and dragging her back was the guilt I still carry from doing that very thing a few weeks ago. It was simply too dangerous on j’Tilak at the time for me to let her stay like she was trying to do.
Iwas following orders.Iwas doing what I was supposed to do.Sheis the one who can’t follow a rule to save her life. So, why am I the one who feels guilty now?
FUCK.
My irritation at Bri—compounded by the sand stuck to my back—makes sleep impossible.
The tent takes a beating from the wind. It sounds exactly as it did six years ago. Might as well have been a lifetime. Back then I was a scared, stupid kid with nothing to lose. I’ve been pretty good at not thinking about him. That kid is gone. He died on Sabaak. What grew in his place is all that matters.
FIVE
Bri
The silver lining to walking all day in one giant circle and ending up right back where I started is that at least I have a place to sleep. The temperature dropped along with the sun. The sharp change prompted me to go down to the crashed pod. I took more care this time going downhill. I don’t have any ankles left to fuck up, but there is no shortage of other body parts I could injure.
I turn the latch to lock the hefty pod door and breathe a heavy sigh. It was rough there for a minute, sitting on top of the dune, realizing what I had done. It’s a mystery to me how people walk in circles when they get lost. I still don’t understand how it happened. Jamie would’ve lectured me. I ought to be better at this—at surviving in the wild. Today I wasn’t thinking straight and made a rookie mistake.
Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll rest and wake up ready to get myself out of here.
As I settle into the seat with the foil blanket pulled up to my chin, my stomach grumbles loudly. I only ate two nutrigels today. I’m rationing my supplies should things not go to plan. In the dark Irummage around for my bag and take out another, hoping something in my belly will help me sleep.
The blanket crinkles every time I move on the uncomfortable captain’s chair. I’m exhausted, but between the world’s loudest blanket and the sand pelting the pod, sleep doesn’t come. Eventually, I give up on the seat and lie down on the floor, using my survival pack as a pillow.
At least I’m protected from the elements. From the sound of it, if I were sleeping outside, I wouldn’t have any skin left in the morning.
In the darkness of the pod, my mind wanders. I think back to those few weeks on the waystation when I was waiting to return to j’Tilak. When I was forced to evacuate j’Tilak because of the Atorum, I was determined to return as soon as possible.
Elowen had been trying to reach me for weeks, but I was salty she got to stay behind. Not my finest moment. I avoided her attempts at reaching me. At first, I told myself that I was just busy getting settled on the station. After I settled in, I had to admit to myself the truth: I was punishing her for something that wasn’t her fault.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been throwing a fit since being sent off j’Tilak. I’ve had plenty of time to rehearse my apology to clear the air. It certainly won’t be the last time I’ll have to apologize for my behavior.
When Tai showed up bossing me around, something snapped. It hurt when he said he was only following orders. After everything we had been through, he wasn’t there because he wanted to be.
