“Fuck,” Tai mutters.
I grind my teeth together, trying to hold back the string of insults I want to hit him with. “I hope you’ve got a soldering iron in yourpack, because that’s what it would take to get this thing working again.”
I’m proud of my restraint. He hasn’t even flinched. The sand is still all over his face. His chest is the only thing moving, heaving up and down, from him trying to hold back a reaction.
I get up and dust myself off while he lies there and feels sorry for himself. I kick his boots.
“Get up. There’s got to be a backup here somewhere.” I open and close all the cabinets to find the same thing in each one. Absolutely nothing.
With a growl, Tai pulls himself up off the ground and stalks toward the door.
“I need a minute,” he says before leaving me alone with the broken unit.
I’m not in the mood to console him. It’s his own damn fault. If he had let me help him, we could have disassembled the thing together. I jump up and sit on the counter, my legs swinging beneath me.
It’s quiet in here without him. I hate the silence.
FIFTY-ONE
Tai
Istomp around looking for something to destroy. Apparently breaking the comms system wasn’t enough. I need something else to smash. I berate myself with every step to the bathhouse.
“You’re such a fucking idiot!” I claw my hands down my face. I didn’t want her to fix the system. I wanted to be the one to fix it and have it up and running by the time she got out of the shower. I wanted to surprise her with a hologram of Elowen projected on the screen and help on the way. It would have been perfect.
I’m furious. Furious I’m still on this stupid fucking planet. That every single thing has gone wrong. Furious that Bri looks at me with those eyes and that face that sees right fucking through me. I’m tired of being covered in sand. I’ve broken the comms panel that could have gotten us off the planet without confronting the presumably psychotic Boraei. There’s got to be something else around here that I can fuck up.
The knob to the shower comes apart in my hand when I pull a little too hard on it, and a spray of water hits me in the face from thebroken pipe. I take a few long, deep breaths to calm myself before I cause more damage.
The next shower over doesn’t get my wrath. I turn on the valve more carefully this time. The water comes out instantly scorching. I stand limply under the scalding stream and let the water soak my clothes, not caring enough to remove them.
Only once I’m all clean and I’ve washed off the last grain of sand will I be ready for Bri to gloat and tell me, “I told you so.” I can picture her smug smile. We both know I fucked us out of our way off this planet.
I deserve it. I deserve for her to yell at me, to call me every possible insult.
I face the shower wall and bend at the waist to let my head rest on the cold tiles. A heavy, dull pain expands across my back. A feeling comes up, one I have repressed and swept aside for six years. It’s what’s kept me company, the thought that’s stayed with me for most of my life: I’m a worthless pile of shit.
“Well, that’s one way to do it. But from past experience, it’s not the most effective way to shower,” a quiet voice says behind me.
I can’t bring myself to turn around and look at Bri. She’s either angry or disappointed. Anger I can handle. Disappointment might send me over the edge.
“Just say it,” I tell her. I want to hear her say what a fuckup I am.
“Tai—” She cuts herself off with a huff. I don’t detect anger in her voice or disappointment. Instead, there’s a sense of understanding.
I peel my forehead off the wet tile and turn toward her. She’s standing within arm’s reach. The splatter from the shower dots her dress and face.
“You fucked up. But I’m not mad,” she says. She guts me with four words. She should be mad at me.
“You should be. I was in a hurry, and I was careless.”
“Yes, you were.”
“Finally, we agree on something.” My hard laugh bounces off the tiled walls. I can’t believe this is what it took for us to see eye to eye.
“Why didn’t you let me help? I’m familiar with those kinds of comms systems,” she says.
I rake my hand through my wet hair. Of course, she could have repaired it.
