“What are you doing? They are about to start!” she whispers back. Her breath touches my ear. How could I have ever thought I could survive without her in my life?
“For once, just follow directions.” I’ve expressed a similar sentiment many times before, mostly out of frustration. Today, all I feel for her is pure devotion. It used to drive me crazy that she didn’t follow instructions. I thought her flagrant rule-breaking was a problem. Now it’s what I love about her. She doesn’t need rules and structure to be good. She is brave and strong and can march out on her own and meet everything head-on.
We step out into the fresh air at the center of the busy military base. The military was a place I believed was keeping me safe frommyself, but the walls that provided security are now holding me captive. And I can’t wait any longer to tell Bri about my shift in perspective.
She melts against me as we walk. The tension and questions leave her body the farther we get from the building. I take in the beauty of j’Tilak around us. The green looks greener, the blues bluer. Nothing like being trapped on a desert planet to make you appreciate home.
I can’t fully enjoy the surroundings because I have a job to do.
Suddenly, the message that was so important to get out dies on my lips, and I’m nervous to tell her. I procrastinate by running my hands up and down her arms. The questioning look is back, and I muster up a little bit of courage to say the words.
“I changed my mind. I’m not re-enlisting,” I blurt out.
“I gathered that from the maniacal retreat. What happened? Are you okay?” She scans my body.
“I’m good. No, I’m great. Things have changed for me. You’ve changed me.” I swallow hard and continue before she can reply. “I was scared to leave the military. I was scared that if I were on my own, I would fall back into the life I needed to break free from. Going to Sabaak, and being there with you, I knew I hadn’t dealt with my past. I was covering it up with all this.” I wave my hand around us. Her eyes are locked on mine.
“You know in the old stories when the hero says that he would destroy the world for love? Well, any idiot can destroy a world for love, but I want to build a better one, with you.” My voice cracks with emotion.
Bri watches me, never blinking or breaking eye contact. Everything we’ve been through seems to flash across her mind, and her eyes fill with tears. A single tear runs down her cheek.
“No, no, not tears. I don’t think I can handle tears,” I whisper and wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. A soft touch on my strong and resilient mate.
“I want that too,” she says with asniffle.
I pull her up into a hug. Her feet dangle a few inches over the ground. I can’t help myself, I spin us around. The sound of her laughter takes me to heights I’ve never seen before.
“Are you sure? Because there’s no going back after this,” I tell her and set her back down on her feet.
“There was no going back after you hulked out back on Sabaak,” she says without hesitation.
“You always have a choice. You aren’t stuck with me, if that’s not what you want.”
I know Bri well enough by now. There is nothing in the universe that can convince her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
“You know, it’s not going to be easy. Things with me rarely are.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” I truly mean it.
“So…you’re quitting your job to be with me? That’s probably not necessary. We could have figured it out if you wanted to stay.”
“That’s the other thing I figured out. I talked to Aro today, and we came up with a plan. I’m going to work for him. And I’m going to lead the transportation and settlement programs. We’re going to find a way to make sure those who need it most can come. Not just the wealthy. Starting with your family.”
Sobs wrack her body as she leans into me, soaking my shirt with her tears. Her hands come around my neck, and she pulls me even closer. But never close enough.
“Please tell me these are happy tears,” I say.
“They are.”
SIXTY-TWO
Bri
Tai’s house, our house, is hardly furnished. While we portered here, he kept warning me about how small it was. How he’s hardly spent any time here. How we can change whatever I don’t like. He was so nervous and adorable.
He wasted all that breath because I love it.
I’ll probably get some more furniture and a bigger bed. But it feels like me, like us. Before I even got out of the porter, I knew. The single-story, circular structure wrapped in rounded windows, set on the edge of a forest, instantly felt like home.
