Maybe I’m too much of a reminder of all the parts of him he’d rather forget. I understand. I’m still happy for him for doing what he needs to do and taking the steps to get better.
Once everyone finally leaves, I throw myself back into work, skipping lunch. Lydia and I still haven’t talked about everything, and I hate the thought of leaving here without closure, but I can’t bring myself to go to the lodge.
Emmett could be there.Wesley could be there.
I’ll have to live the rest of my life knowing the hurt and pain I’ve caused is irreparable. Knowing he will never know the truth.
The sun is fully up now and I’m starting to sweat through my sweater. I yank it off, tossing it to the side, before leaning against the wall for a water break.
“Thought I might find you out here.” Emmett’s voice echoes softly behind me.
I turn to face him. He’s holding one of the brown paper bags we pack trail-ride lunches in, and there’s a look on his face—heavy, bruised with remorse.
“Here I am,” I reply with a shrug, unsure what to say or how to say it.
Thankfully, Emmett makes the first move. He walks a few slow steps closer and holds the bag out to me.
“Lydia said she hadn’t seen you…so I thought you might be hungry.” He hesitates. “And it’s sort of a peace offering.”
“Oh. Thanks.” I take it, even though my appetite is nonexistent.
He settles, leaning against the wall beside me. He crosses his arms over his chest as he joins me in staring at Monty’s empty stall, letting silence blanket us.
Only the crinkle of the paper bag and the soft rustle of wind through the trees fill the space between us—subtle and distant. Literally and figuratively.
It’s not uncomfortable. It just leaves room for my mind to drift back through everything I’ve lost this summer.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers eventually. “For everything. For what happened with…us. How I made everything worse for you.”
My eyes stay fixed on a single piece of hay on the ground. “You don’t need to apologize. I made a choice, and there was a consequence.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs, voice quiet and thoughtful. “I don’t feel good about how I treated you, though—using you like that.”
I hum, nodding slowly, because I’m guilty of that too.
Another wave of silence washes over us.
“I was with Wesley.”
The whispered admission slips past my lips before I can stop it, broken and pained, but it’s relieving to finally say it out loud.
I see Emmett glance at me from the corner of my eye, though I don’t look back. I’m not sure I’d be able to keep myself together if I did.
“What do you mean?”
“We were together—like,together.” I pause. “It was only for a few weeks. I ended it—badly—and that’s why everything went to shit.”
“Wow…” He lets out a long breath. “Well, that explains a lot, actually.”
“Everything is my fault,” I say quietly. “I kissed you because I wanted to forget how much it hurt.” He shifts beside me but doesn’t respond. “I’m the one who made everything worse.”
We stare at the empty stall for a long moment. I hadn’t realized how isolating myself was only making everything heavier—how much I’d missed the simple comfort of someone just being here with me in the mess.
“You love him.”
It’s not a question.
“Yeah,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
