Every time Eric came, he’d felt worse about himself and eventually having something to take the edge off his frustrations and desires hadn’t been worth it for the sense of shame it had given him afterwards. “And I haven’t – not recently.”
“Why?” Ix sounded curious, not judgmental.
“Why what? It provides a service, I availed myself of it.” Eric could feel the heat rising up from his back. He’d always known that Ix was active in his pursuits, but Ix was free to be. He was a prince, but cut out from the line of succession. None of their neighboring countries would consider having their royal blood diluted with a part-demon so there had never been any marriage arrangements looming over his head. As long as he was discreet and not fathering a dozen illegitimate children, no one cared what Ix was doing behind closed doors. For Eric, on the other hand, it was complicated—
“Why pay? You’re titled, you’re sweet, you’re handsome, I’m sure you could find dalliances without resorting to a service.”
Eric’s mind was jolted out of his fast-compounding panic. “You think I’m handsome?”
Ix looked at him incredulously. “I didn’t fuck you with my eyes closed, did I?!”
“Shh!” Eric’s entire face was instantly hot enough to boil water as he looked around. Thankfully, the tavern was still mostly uninhabited. Even though they were in a molly-house,Eric still had trouble talking openly and here Ix was, broaching it as casually as the weather. It felt as though Ix had slid his fingers under Eric’s ribs and cracked his chest wide open, spilling him on the sticky, beer-stained tavern table. It lay somewhere between fear, and panic, and – and pride? He wasn’t sure where that had come from.
Ix was looking at him with concern, not the genuine kind of concern but more the kind that wondered whether Eric was a blithering idiot and if it might be contagious, which made Eric laugh shakily. That was so like Ix, and Eric was so fond of that look even when directed at him that he thought his heart might burst.
“You’ve never said that before,” said Eric, attempting to pull together what shreds were left of his dignity. It probably wasn’t working.
“Neither have I told you that the sky is blue and water is wet,” said Ixthan.
“Yes, well, that is beside the point. Since I’ve also never said so, I do too. Think you’re handsome. You may have noticed.” Eric cleared his throat. Why was it that complimenting Ix so directly was so difficult? He didn’t have a problem saying things like ‘nice shot’ or ‘good form’ or the like while they were hunting, and yet the words stuck in his throat as if he’d chewed a mouthful of chalk.
“Hm,” said Ix thoughtfully as the compliment landed. He’d felt some certain way this time too, Eric saw it in the little twitch in his eyebrow as he mulled it over.
“I suppose,” said Eric. “I miss your demon features though.”
Ixthan turned, his brow furrowed and face too close to Eric’s. “Doyou?”
“Well yes. Your pointed teeth and your beautiful eyes and–”
“My beautiful eyes?” Ix repeated incredulously, then laughed as Eric started to go pink.
“That’s what I get for being nice to you,” said Eric mulishly, pulling away. Though it was nice to hear Ix laugh again. He’d missed that sound.
“No, by all means, do continue. I didn’t realize you liked them so much.” Ix grabbed him by the wrist before Eric could pointedly shuffle down the booth. Even without the demonic strength, he was stronger than Eric by far.
“I’m sure you knew,” mumbled Eric, trying not to fall forward into Ix, except Ix curled his hand around Eric’s hip and suddenly it was too difficult to pull away. He glanced around surreptitiously, but the angle of the table kept Ix’s hand out of view.
“I knew of the attraction in general,” clarified Ix, his voice soothingly quiet now. “But not that you liked the demonic features in particular.”
A moment of silence. It would have been easy for Eric to move past it, to dismiss it as the offhand remark Ix had clearly meant it to be, but now it was starting to make sense. How Ix had said previously that Eric had never made a move, that moment of brashness after their first time.
“Did you think I liked you despite the demonic features? That they somehow detracted from your…” Eric waved vaguely up and down to indicate basically everything about Ix’s general physique.
Ix narrowed his eyes. “Hm. I see. I don’t like it when you’re so keenly perceptive. Only I’m allowed to do that.”
“You’d never have put up with me for this long if you thought I was a dullard.” A stalemate. Eric could wait Ix out, he had much more patience for this.
Ix outwaited the silence longer than Eric had thought he would, which meant that he’d struck deeper than he had thought, but eventually he cracked. “I did not think youabhorredmy demonic aspects.”
This was going to take forever if Ix kept talking himself around it. In a way, Eric was glad because it meant he wasn’t the only one useless at this. They’d always understood each other without having to put it in words – although perhaps, they hadn’t, and that was why they were having to do it now. Eric hated it. It felt like stepping into an open fire. He stuttered out as much as he could before his throat closed up entirely. “I already told you your eyes are beautiful. I like your fingers too, I think they’re elegant. Sometimes I think about you kissing me or – or biting me with your sharp teeth. I think about running my tongue along the point of your ears.”
“Hells,” said Ix. Nothing else.
Eric swallowed. He could feel the fierce blush, hot and uncomfortable across his face and down his neck, and the strain in his throat as he tried not to let his voice tremble. He couldn’t look Ix in the eyes, it was too much. He felt Ix’s hand still on his hip, a light pressure asking but not demanding for him to move closer.
There had been no one around the last six times Eric had fearfully looked around, and there was no one still. What was he afraid of? Nothing could be worse than the blind, abject fear the first few days after his father’s arrest when he had wondered if he would be considered a traitor by association, and just behind this wall, in the heart of the molly-house, people sucked and fucked to their hearts’ content. The sheer contrast of those two thoughts put perspective on everything.
Eric exhaled shakily. He moved slowly down the bench until his hip bumped Ix’s, their legs pressing together from thigh to knee. Ix’s arm slid around to settle around his waist. So simple, and yet it felt so right. He looked up to see brown eyes, plain, not the ones he’d fallen in love with, but Ix’s nonetheless. Ix looking down at him, slightly stunned.
