"Yeah, me too," Bette agreed with her silent statement.
Kerrie turned the key in the ignition and listened to the purr of the engine before putting the truck in reverse. She glanced over at her mirrors backing up, then angled it to go back down the long, swooping driveway. "Do you need to stop anywhere before we get back?"
She glanced over at Bette and saw her shake her head. "No, I think I'm done. It's been a long day."
Kerrie nodded in agreement. It had been a long day. And the emotions involved were what was most exhausting. She could only imagine how Bette felt having to come to terms with not only her child graduating college and becoming an adult but then going to her old home and seeing all of the people who used to be her friends and family and now just ignored her. It had irritated Kerrie to see how they looked at Bette, turning away as if she was some kind of leech on society. Like her commonness would rub off on them. Nobody had asked how she was doing. All the interactions that did take place were fake. At least the interactions with Shelly seemed to be genuine. Even if it was mostly irritation or arrogance.
Something nudged at the back of her mind, bothering her. When Shelly had asked why she didn't drink, it was obvious that Bette didn't want her to say that she was an alcoholic. Under the circumstances, Kerrie completely understood why she didn't want her to say something like that at that moment. Shelly Cooper would not be open to the term alcoholic. Judgment would happen the instant it left her lips. The woman would have turned her nose up and regarded Kerrie even lower than she already did. But Kerrie wasn't ashamed of who she was. She was proud that she was so far in recovery, and saying she was an alcoholic was no different than saying that she was allergic to penicillin. It wasn't something that she could change, and it wasn't something that she hung her head for. She had done the work to get herself clean and stay clean. That was something that always irritated Kerrie—the shamefulness that people felt. The taboo that revolved around the word alcohol. When things were shameful, people hid them, and the last thing someone in recovery needed was hiding. It made it easier to slip back.
What concerned Kerrie, though, was if they were not at an event with those people, would Bette have cared as much? Was she ashamed, and would that be a problem for them if she was? They hadn't discussed their relationship. They hadn't even kissed yet, but she could feel the distance between them getting smaller and smaller, and it was only a matter of time before they became a couple. It was hanging above them like a rain cloud. Not the kind of rain cloud that made you sad, but the kind that put a smile on your face. The kind that you danced in, laughing and spinning in circles. She really liked Bette, but she didn't want to be with somebody who was ashamed of her.
She was lost in thought when she felt a warm hand nudge her arm, seeking out her own hand. Warmth spread through her at the touch, and she took Bette's smaller hand in hers, bringing it to her lips to kiss its back. "I think you did really good today. I know it was probably really hard, but you did good."
Bette snorted. "How quickly you forget that I almost came to blows with that child."
"I mean, she was kind of asking for it. I personally would have put her in time out had I thought she'd stay there."
They both laughed.
After a few minutes, Bette spoke softly, squeezing Kerrie's hand. "I really am glad you came with me today. I know there were a few touch-and-go moments, but I don't think I could have gotten through it without you. You were like a protective shield. And I love how you made sure the day was focused on Zoe."
Swallowing down a lump, Kerrie licked her lips. She wasn't accustomed to taking compliments. "Thank you. I, uh, I tried to make sure you could find enjoyment even when you didn't want to be there. And I knew it was important to you for the day to be about Zoe."
"And you did a great job of that."
Silence fell over them, but Kerrie didn't want silence. She wanted an answer. Kerrie knew the question she wanted to ask. She'd been questioning it all day. Every time she met somebody new and was introduced to them, she was reminded that they hadn't discussed the direction of their relationship. Kerrie so badly wanted to know if Bette was on the same page that she was.
Deciding to take a chance, Kerrie cleared her throat and tried to appear relaxed even though her stomach was doing somersaults and crunches. The kind that makes you wonder if you'll need to go to the bathroom soon.Oh god, that's the last thing I need right now.
She stretched her neck side to side, her eyes never leaving the road; otherwise, she knew she'd chicken out. Never in her life would she have imagined being this old and feeling like a teenager who was unsure of how to navigate feelings. "So, today made me realize that we haven't actually discussed where we're heading. Like, do we want to be good friends, or do we want to be more than that?"
Bette didn't immediately answer, causing Kerrie's anxiety to rise further. She didn't know if she had overstepped or misread the situation completely. Sure, they were holding hands, but did that actually mean anything to Bette? She let out a long breath when the blonde beside her began to speak.
"I was wondering that too. I didn't know how to introduce you to people, so I just sort of avoided putting a label on it."
"Do you want to put a label on it?"
Bette hesitated, but then Kerrie could see her nod out of the corner of her eye. "I do. I really like you, and I really like what we have going on right now. I'm just nervous. I'm, um, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I've only ever been with Shelly. I've never really dated anyone else except for a few crushes in high school. We were together right out of college."
For some reason, that surprised Kerrie. Bette carried herself in such a way that it was hard to imagine her not being confident, but when she thought about it, Kerrie had seen little glimpses of the real Bette underneath. She was just as nervous as Kerrie was, if not a little more.
She lifted Bette's hand to her mouth and kissed it again. "There's nothing wrong with not having a long list of partners. I also like where we're going. I like that we're getting to know each other and are getting to see little bits of each other's lives. I haven't been in a relationship in years, and to be quite honest, I don't think I was very focused then. I spend so much of my time taking care of others that I forget to take care of myself. Mabel has been trying to get me to date for a long time, but I never sought out anyone. Then, this hot blonde walks into my office, and my whole world changes. Well, after I stopped being pissed that she was there."
Bette burst out laughing as she blushed deeply. "Yeah, you weren't very happy to see me that first day. But you've warmed up to me since then."
"I actually enjoy you calling me on my bullshit. It's refreshing."
"Well, if I like what we're doing and you like what we're doing, then maybe we're dating?" There was hesitancy in her statement. As if asking for confirmation that it was okay to be confident in the answer.
"I'm okay with dating if you're okay with dating," Kerrie said, glancing over at Bette to make sure that she was reading her correctly. Their eyes met, and Kerrie saw that they were. A thrill of excitement ran through her. It was like getting her first girlfriend all over again. She grinned broadly.
"Fantastic! So we're dating," Bette said with an ecstatic smile. She appeared to be having the same reaction as Kerrie. Kerrie wondered if Bette's heart was also beating so loudly in her ears that she could hardly hear.
They grinned like idiots the rest of the way to Nixon Lane. There was an electric pulse to the air in the cabin of the truck, like the funny gas you get at the dentist. It was titillating.
"Well, madam, since we're dating and all, why don't I walk you to your door?"
Blushing, Bette laughed and shook her head. "You're so goofy sometimes. But yes, you can walk me to my door."
