“I’m not debating that with you again.”
“Okay, now, kids, no need to get testy. You both used to get along so well.”
Matty’s jaw clenched tight. “Are you going to fix it, or do you want me to do it?”
“We could work together.”
Sighing, Matty turned to go. “It’s all yours then. If I leave now, I can still grab a plate of lunch.”
“Seriously?”
“Matty, come on, help your cousin,” admonished Grams.
It was always the same thing. She felt like she was being pulled in different directions. The loyalty she felt for her grandmother hung heavy over her, but she knew that the situation she was repeatedly put in would be detrimental to something she’d worked so hard on, something that her grandmother and cousin didn’t seem to care about. Shouldn’t family care about something this important? Something that was important to her?
She shook her head. “I’m going to let you do it. I need to get back, anyway.”
She leaned down and gave Grams a quick kiss on the head, the smell of Aqua Net wafting from her fluffy gray hair. “I’ll see you later, Grams.”
As she was leaving out the front door, Clay called to her, jogging up behind her. He moved entirely too close into her personal space for her to care for, especially with thescent of weed wafting off him, assaulting her senses. He spoke low. “Hey, yeah, about that. I don’t have the cash right now to buy the new hose to fix it. I don’t suppose you could spot me?”
Of course, he didn’t have money, or at least not any that he would spend on Grams. She choked back the anger that was bubbling up inside her and reached for her wallet. She tilted it closer to herself so he wouldn’t see exactly how much cash she had before giving him a twenty. She knew that it would be less than that and didn’t expect there to be any change headed her way, nor did she expect him to actually pay her back, but it was to benefit Grammy, so she handed it over anyway.
“Just make sure you actually do fix it. This is only for the hose.”
“I don’t guess I could keep the extra for gas money for having to go to the store."
She couldn’t hold back the eye roll this time. “Yeah, Clay, keep the rest of the change. Just get it done.”
Turning her back once more, she took two full steps before he stopped her in her tracks with just three words.
“I miss you.”
The anger in her chest turned inward as a pang of guilt hit her. She shouldn’t still feel bad for putting distance between them. Her heart shouldn’t ache a little at the sadness in his voice. And she shouldn’t miss him either. Or at least that’s what she kept trying to tell herself.
“I mean it, Matty. Things just aren’t the same. Can’t you feel it too?”
She really didn’t want to turn around because she knew the look on his face would possibly be her undoing, but she did it anyway. Staring back at her was a grown man, but all she could see was the face of the 15-year-old boy she grew up with. Not another person on the planet except for Grammy had as much history with her. He was her built-in best friend from the very start.
A large lump had formed in her throat. It was hard to swallow around it. “I miss you too. Why don’t you come to a meeting with me?” She knew it was futile the moment the words left her lips.
His eyes immediately hardened. “I don’t need to go to some meeting. It’s all a bunch of handholding and bullshit.”
“No, it’s not. You know it’s not. Look, I would love to have a relationship with you. I really would. But you need to understand, I don’t want to be part of that life anymore. Iwake up with a clear head. I have a job and a support system. I got a lot of things going for me. I want you to have that too.”
“Whatever, Matty. You’re just fucking selfish. It’s always about you.”
Defeat overwhelmed her. It was the same argument every time. “I wish I could convince you that life would be so much better if you just took the first step.”
He glared at her, his arms crossing.
“Okay. Whatever. Just get the damn machine fixed.”
With that, she went to the truck and got in, not looking back as she backed out of the driveway and headed back to work.
Chapter five
Chapter Five
