Nothing happened.
Seconds ticked by. She wondered if she should announce herself again.
Then she heard the lock disengage. She would have thought she would feel relief, but the heavy hand of anxiety had her lungs in a vice grip. Sweat was beginning to form on her back. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her joggers to keep them from shaking.
The door opened just enough for Reese to peer out. Her face didn’t betray a single emotion. “What do you want?”
“To not lose you.” Desperation dripped off every word.
Reese just stared at her. Her face didn’t change for what felt like forever. It was probably just a few seconds, but it could have been an hour with the way Matty’s pulse began to race. Was rejection coming next? She had royally fucked up. Her chest nearly exploded when Reese finally spoke. “Are you finally going to talk to me about whatever happened?”
“Yes,” she rushed out, head bobbing fast.
Reese’s brows dipped, but she moved, opening the door. “Fine, but there’s no running or hiding. We’re adults. We’re going to talk.” She paused, then added in a softer voice, “even if it’s hard.”
“I agree.”
When she walked into the living room, she stopped short. So much had changed. “Oh wow, you’ve finished it.”
Reese shut the door, locking it. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of time to think this week, and I couldn’t sit still. It’s totally ready for painting and putting the new flooring down.”
A guilty punch landed in her gut. It was her fault that Reese had had a rough week and that she had to tear the carpet up by herself. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It does look good, though.”
“Well, um, maybe we can go upstairs? I’m still lacking a proper sitting area.”
She nodded in agreement.
It was odd being back in Reese’s bedroom after the week they’d had. Sitting on the bed felt even stranger. Reese had made sure to leave space between them, and though it stung, Matty understood. She had earned that distance.
“I don’t really know where to start,” she confessed.
“How about what happened that made you go out in the rain?”
Matty picked at the corner of the pillowcase, keeping her eyes on it instead of Reese. “I was at my Grammy’s.”
“She couldn’t take you home?”
“No, she doesn’t drive anymore.”
“Could you not have called someone? I would have been happy to give you a ride.”
Heat crawled up Matty’s neck. “No, I needed to leave right then. It, fuck, I feel stupid, okay? I put myself in a bad position.” Her voice roughened with embarrassment. “And then you had to find me out there like that.”
She chanced a glance over. The frown on Reese’s face only made the shame dig in deeper.
“Matty, you’re not stupid. Far from it.”
“Then why do I keep doing this?” she shot back, then immediately looked away again. “Why am I still giving her the benefit of the doubt? I know how it goes. I know exactly how it goes, and I still walked right into it like an idiot.” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “It’s embarrassing.”
The frown deepened as Reese slid a little closer, though she still left that small gap between them. “Tell me what she does. And I swear I’m not going into counselor mode. I just want to understand.”
Matty fumbled with her hands in her lap. They were shaking, and she suddenly couldn’t figure out what to do with them, so she just gripped them together harder. “It’s not just her. It’s also my cousin, Clay. He was the person I used with the most. We were really close. When I relapsed before, it was because of him. I just can’t be around him if I want to stay clean. It’s just not possible.” She swallowed hard, humiliation pressing heavily in her chest. “And the worst part is they both know that. They know, and they still do it anyway. Neither he nor Grams respects that.”
“What does she do?”
Matty launched into the gaslighting and blatant disrespect. She didn’t know what caused it, but she found herself not holding back anything. Every ugly detail. The times she had tried to get clean but failed. The harsh criticism from Grammy. The belittling of her getting her GED and her job. She didn’t try to excuse the behaviors, which was odd. Normally, she would, but what spilled from her mouth were confessions. The thoughts she had secretly.
“Sometimes I swear she’s trying to get me to fail. But that’s crazy, right? Why would a grandmother want her grandchild to fail?”
