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“What the hell? You two ditched me!” Maddie scolds the second she sits down with a glass of water, then chugs it.
“Lennon is having a freak-out moment about Hunter,” Sophie explains casually. “I’m talking her off the ledge.”
“Ooh yes, boy talk. Keep going,” she encourages with a smile. “Are you finally admitting you want to bone him six ways to Sunday?”
“Maddie!” Sophie shouts.
I surrender. “Well…she’s not wrong.” My heart pounds as I admit that out loud for the first time. I feel goose bumps on my arms and wonder how I’ll face him later after having this conversation with my sisters.
Maddie chuckles. “About damn time. Holy shit. So when are you gonna tell him?”
“It’s not that easy,” I say, lowering my eyes. “So much has changed since that first night we met. I’m no longer a careless college student. My life isn’t just about me anymore.”
“And I know, without a doubt, Hunter loves you and Allie,” Sophie states.
I look at both of them with a serious face. “Did you know stretch marks are forever? Those magical creams are all bullshit. My body looks like a damn road map.”
Sophie’s expression softens. “Is that what you’re so worried about, Lennon? That he’s going to judge your body or not like what he sees? You’re worried he won’t want you anymore?”
I shrug. “Yes, kinda. It’s only been six weeks since I had Alison, and things haven’t exactly gone back to normal. Let’s not forget the fact I haven’t had sex in almost a year. My vagina would probably scare him away,” I say, feeling defeated.
Sophie snorts, then chuckles.
“You know I’m right. He was attracted to sexy, tight body Lennon. Now my boobs leak, I’m in bed by eight p.m., and I’m a walking zombie between getting up with the baby and breastfeeding. He probably thinks he dodged a bullet now.” I slump back, and the reality of my words hit me in full force.
“Are you done with the pity party now?” Sophie deadpans. “Hunter loves you,” she states matter-of-factly. “You love him too, and even if you’re too scared to admit how much he really means to you, you two are good for each other. The question you have to ask yourself is are you willing to let your own insecurities get in the way of being happy again?”
“It hasn’t even been a year since Brandon died,” I say. “Alison looks so much like him; it’s a constant reminder he’s not here and how much I miss him every single day.”
“Lennon…” Her voice softens. “I know how much you two loved each other. Everyone who knew you guys could see it. But you can’t stop living your life and wondering about the what-ifs. Brandon wouldn’t want that, and you can’t allow yourself to think otherwise. Hunter was his best friend. Brandon would approve; I know he would.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I taste the salty tears on my lips.
“A part of me knows that, Soph.” I wipe my cheeks. “I feel like I can maybe accept that, but now I’m scared of rejection. What if this changes everything, and our friendship ends? I don’t know that I could live with myself for ruining things between Hunter and me.”
“That’s a risk you’re gonna have to take, but I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s time. Let yourself love again, Lennon. You deserve it all.”
“I know I’m not a love expert or anything…” Maddie chimes in. “But if I had a guy look at me with even half the amount of longing as Hunter looks are you with, I’d propose to him in a heartbeat. You two have gone through a lot together, and no one that matters will think you’re moving on too soon or shame you for following your heart.”
“I think I’d really be devastated if he started dating someone or moved on because I couldn’t admit how I really felt, and hell, that scares the shit out of me,” I concede.
“Loving someone else doesn’t take away how you felt about Brandon or what you two had, Lennon. Just remember that.” Sophie reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “He would want you to move on and be happy. Now it’s up to you.”
I nod, wiping my cheek when another tear falls. “You’re right. You both are.”
“Hell yeah, we are!” Maddie is the soberest drunk I’ve ever met.
“Will you be upset if I leave early, Mads?”
“I’d be upset if you didn’t!” We both stand, and she gives me a big hug. “Please give us an update.”
“Tomorrow,” Sophie adds. “Not like during anything, okay?”
“Ew,” I say with a chuckle. “You two are freaks.”
I finally leave the bar and grab an Uber since I’ve had a few drinks. Though my adrenaline has now taken over more than the alcohol. During the ride to the Five Seasons, my nerves are in overdrive, and my heart’s beating hard, making me anxious. I don’t want to interrupt his meeting, but this can’t wait. Not while I have the courage to finally tell him.
