This time, that unsettled feeling contained an extra element. Guilt. For some reason Oliver couldn’t help thinking that he might be to blame for whatever was going on.
That attraction between them was as strong as it had been the night he’d totally lost control and given in to temptation. Maybe it was even stronger on his side judging by the pull he’d felt to kiss her again the other night. Was it the same for Bella? Was she feeling… rejected in some way, because he’d told her that it wasn’t appropriate?
Bit like shagging one of the servants, really, wasn’t it?
How absurd was that?
That hadn’t been why it was so inappropriate. It had been because she was his mother’s employee and even that wasn’t enough of a reason in itself.
It was because she was who she was; it was as simple as that.
Someone who could float through life in a joyous and carefree manner, flouting the rules if she thought she could get away with it or if it was going to be so much fun it would be worth it. She had no weight of social responsibilities or even the pressures of doing a high-powered job.
Oliver could feel the scowl on his face deepening as he strode off to do a quick ward round between theatre cases.
A knot of something like resentment was forming in his gut. Was he jealous of the kind of freedom Bella had?
No, of course he wasn’t.
The social obligations were just a distraction. He didn’t care about the status that went with being in an elite group of moneyed people, but he did care about the power they had to change things in society that weren’t right.
He did, however, love his job. He wouldn’t swap it for anything. He loved the drama and pressure of Theatre and he got enormous satisfaction out of changing people’s lives for the better. Stepping in when they – or their loved ones – were so terrified because something bad was happening inside a brain. The idea of the soul being located in the heart was so off beam. Everything happened inside the brain and if it got too damaged the person was lost forever.
Like poor old Wally, who he was popping in to see now. The elderly gentleman who’d finally had his brain tumour removed was now back in the geriatric ward.
Oliver checked in with the nurse manager to see how he was doing. ‘Not bad at all,’ Sally told him. ‘That left-sided weakness is still there but his speech is getting clearer every day. And once he relearns a word for something, it’s there the next time he wants it.’ She grinned. ‘He’s feeling so much better today he asked when the next line-dancing class was happening. He’s missing Bella.’
Oliver just stared at Sally.That’swhat it was.Hewas missing Bella, too. The happy Bella. That’s why he kept thinking about her at inappropriate moments. Why he was left feeling unsettled.
‘We’re all missing her,’ Sally sighed, disconcertingly seeming to read his mind. ‘She just has a knack of making the world around her a brighter place, doesn’t she?’
Not right now she didn’t.
‘How’s Lady Dorothy getting on?’
‘Excellent progress,’ Oliver reported. ‘She can’t manage her blood-sugar testing or her insulin injections by herself yet but she’s getting more independent with other things every day. I think she’ll end up needing very little assistance.’
‘That’s fantastic.’ Sally raised her eyebrows. ‘Maybe she won’t need Bella much longer and we could have her back.’
‘Doubt it. My mother has become very fond of Bella.’ Oliver could feel his scowl trying to emerge again. ‘Besides, she’s planning to head overseas to have adventures as soon as she’s not needed in this position.’
‘Oh, that’s right. The big OE and then settling down to have a dozen babies.’ Sally laughed. ‘Our Bella certainly knows what she wants out of life.’
Oliver said nothing. He was, to outward appearances, now deeply focused on Wally’s notes. What he was actually doing was breathing a sigh of relief. That was precisely why a relationship with Bella was so out of the question. It wasn’t that she was so unlike the women he’d always dated because, right now, in this quiet, dignified mode, she wasn’t that different after all. It was because she wanted something so different from her life. The kind of women he dated and that his mother was expecting him to choose from to produce a Dawson heir one day would have one or two children at the most. And a nanny to look after them, no doubt.
He could just see Bella with a dozen kids and no nanny. A whole shambolic house full of them, tumbling around and dancing. And singing and shouting and laughing.
It would be loud and chaotic and… well… Oliver couldn’t imagine any neurosurgeon who’d want to go home after a hard day’s work to something like that.
He loved going home to the peace and quiet routine of his life. To the physical release of his gymnasium and the emotional peace of the summer house. He’d found it disruptive getting used to having Bella around in the first place. He should be delighted that her exuberance was wearing off and things were getting back to more like they had been in the past.
As long as she didn’t disappear completely.
* * *
‘Oh, look, Bella…’ Lady Dorothy held up a spray of white roses, having successfully squeezed the handles of the secateurs to snip the stem. ‘I did it.’
‘Well done, you.’
