She heard the front door open and close as she was setting out Lady Dorothy’s special cutlery on the table. She should be getting used to the way her heart skipped a beat and then started racing. The way that knot of longing deep in her belly bloomed and then melted into her veins. It had changed since the revelation of her pregnancy, though. This was more than pure lust. It was more than simply being in love. This was a need for something huge. For the whole world to shift on its axis and create a new family. Herself and Oliver and Lady Dorothy and the baby.
There was no way it could happen. It was so far from beingappropriatethat it was ridiculous. Bella had rehearsed telling Oliver about this pregnancy in her head so many times by now she had every possible scenario covered. At best, she would be made financially secure somewhere else and Oliver would have contact with his child on a strictly negotiated routine. At worst, he would be so disgusted with her irresponsibility he would hate her forever and order her out of his life, and any childcare arrangements, financial or other, would be handled by his solicitors.
She couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Not until Lady Dorothy was more independent. At least Bella could be responsible about that. She served the meals onto warmed plates, cutting up one of the pieces of fillet steak so that Lady Dorothy wouldn’t need to ask for any assistance. She put the plates in the oven to keep the meals hot and gave the table a final glance, which made her smile. It was just as well the roses were beautiful all by themselves, because the arrangement did nothing to enhance them, despite Lady Dorothy’s declaration that Bella had hidden artistic talents. The remnants of that poignant smile were still on her lips as she went to the door of the conservatory.
Oliver had followed a familiar routine. He’d picked up the mail on his way into the house and helped his mother open the envelopes. There couldn’t have been too much today because now he was helping his mother up from her chair.
‘Dinner’s in the oven,’ Bella told them brightly. ‘I’ve got a few things to do so I’ll be in to see you later, Lady Dorothy.’
‘Wait…’ Lady Dorothy was holding a white card in her hand. She beamed at Bella. ‘Did you know about this?’
Bella stopped. There was no help for it now; she had to meet Oliver’s gaze as they came closer. And the gaze was intense. As though he wanted something from her. Curiously, he looked worried about her. Was he asking for reassurance?
Bella smiled at him with the intention of pretending that everything was fine. There was nothing to worry about.
She caught her breath when she saw the relief in his dark eyes. When he smiled back at her.
One ofthosesmiles. As if she was special and important. Like the one he’d given her when he’d approved of what she was doing for his mother when she’d been an inpatient at St Pat’s. When she’d first caught a glimpse of the real Oliver hidden beneath the professional man. When it had touched something so deep inside her she’d known she was in real danger of falling in love with him.
And she’d known they were dangerous waters to even dip her toe into, but what had she done?
Dived in. Completely out of her depth. And now she felt like she was drowning. She had to tell him but… not yet. Because she couldn’t bear the thought of being sent away – physically or emotionally. When she’d tell Oliver about the pregnancy, one thing she could be absolutely sure of was that she’d never see one of those smiles again.
Bella swallowed hard and tried to focus on Lady Dorothy. Her voice came out a little hoarsely. ‘What is it?’
‘A wedding invitation.’ Lady Dorothy sighed happily. ‘From your Kate and her Connor. At the beach. Such short notice, though. Only three weeks…’
Bella’s smile was ancient history. She felt slightly dizzy. Whose idea had this been? And why hadn’t anyone warned her?
‘Are you all right, Bella?’ Oliver’s smile had also vanished. He was looking really worried now. As though it really mattered to him whether she was all right or not. Bella wanted to cry.
‘I’m… fine…’
‘You did know about this?’
‘The wedding?’ Bella forced another smile. ‘Of course… I’m the bridesmaid.’
‘It’s so kind of you to get us invited,’ Lady Dorothy said. ‘I haven’t been to a wedding in so long. Oh, my… we’ve got to think of a gift, Oliver.’
But Oliver knew she hadn’t answered the question. He was still staring at Bella.
‘It’s a small wedding,’ she said. ‘A few friends and family and colleagues from St Pat’s. You’re friends with Connor, aren’t you?’
‘We have a fair bit to do with each other. We often share spinal surgery cases. And I suppose we get on well. But who wouldn’t, with Connor?’
Oliver was looking vaguely surprised, as if the notion of being friends with someone was alien. Bella felt the same kind of sadness for him she had when she’d learned that he’d had an unhappy childhood. Did he even realise how much he was missing out on in life? She wanted to reach out and take hold of his hand. Let him know that she could sense things about him that only someone who loved him would be able to sense. And that she cared enough to make it better.
How amazing that she could have got to a point where she thought she was the thing that was missing from the life of a man who had once intimidated her to the extent that she’d felt she wasn’t good enough at anything. She would be good for him, but he wasn’t in a space where he could recognise it. She hadn’t had enough time to impress him. And as soon as he knew that she’d lied to him about being safe to have sex with, any chance at all to impress Oliver Dawson would be obliterated. Oh, help. She had to get out of here before she disgraced herself and burst into tears.
‘And Lady Dorothy’s been invited because she’s an important person in my life right now.’
Bella ducked closer to give Lady Dorothy a kiss on her cheek. ‘Now, go and have your dinner before it gets cold and before your blood sugar takes a dive. I’ll see you soon.’
With that, Bella escaped. Straight to her room, where she grabbed her mobile phone and pushed the first rapid dial entry.
‘My God, Kate,’ she said as soon as the call was answered. ‘What are you up to? You’ve invited theDawsonsto the wedding?’
‘It was Connor’s idea. And he’s right. They’re going to be a part of our family in some way now.’
