Last night he had given her something he hadn’t given anyone. He hadn’t acted. It hadn’t been bravado. For once he hadn’t used charm wrapped in control. He had stood at the cross because he wanted to. He had knelt because it felt right. When she’d called him good boy, it hadn’t been a game.
It had landed.
He pushed away from the door and walked back into the bedroom. The sheets were still twisted from where they had slept. Her pillow lay slightly askew. He stared at it for a long moment, at the faint hollow where her head had rested. He picked it up, but didn’t put it in its right place like he intended.
The fabric still carried the trace of her perfume mixed with sweat and skin.
He pressed the pillow against his chest and inhaled her scent. It wrapped around him without comfort.
He couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but felt close to tears now.
Damn it, Kate. What did you do to me?
CHAPTER THREE
“And then the man had the audacity to claim he liked what we did. Like a Dom turned into a sub overnight,” Kate ended her monologue.
Paula eyed her over the rim of her coffee cup. They sat in a corner booth at IHOP, plates of pancakes with butter and syrup in front of them.
Unhealthy but finger-licking delicious! Kate would go for an extra run this week.
“So, if I understand correctly, you and Chris aren’t compatible, except you are.” Paula tilted her face to the side and pursed her lips before shaking her head. “I don’t get it.”
Kate stirred her coffee, deep in thought. She slowly closed her eyes and inhaled a long breath through her nose, held it, and let it escape. Of course, her explanation had made no sense to Paula. The woman didn’t have an inkling of knowledge about BDSM. Kate wasn’t sure if Paula would be uneasy discussing BDSM. Not everyone was open to it. But Kate had desperately needed someone to talk to, and had texted Paula as soon as she’d gotten in the uber so she didn’t have to see the hurt on Chris’s face as he watched herpull away. Now she was wondering if she should have just suffered in silence.
“It’s hard to explain if you’re not in the lifestyle.” Kate tapped her steepled fingers together.
Paula wiggled her hands up and down, like she was weighing the words. “The lifestyle, you mean the whips-and-chains stuff?”
Kate narrowed her eyes.Did Paula disapprove? Kate wasn’t a coward, and she wasn’t ashamed of her Domme side. Safe, sane, and consensual were gospel to her. Now that she’d broached the subject she would follow through. “Not necessarily whips and chains, but yes, the lifestyle. What do you know about BDSM?”
“Not much. I’ve seenFifty Shades…”
A vein pulsed in her temple, and her frustration rose. Paula held up her hands as if Kate had pointed a deadly weapon at her instead of just a glare.
“…and before you jump all over me, you’re not the first person to tell me it isn’t a good example of BDSM.”
“No, it isn’t. Is that all you know?” Kate waited for Paula to gather her thoughts.
Paula tapped her forefinger against her mouth. “Laura told me a little. Enough to convince me that James wasn’t abusing her.” Paula grimaced, bit her lip, and peeked at Kate from under her eyelashes.
Kate placed her fork on her plate, wiped her mouth with her napkin, and took pity on the other woman. “Okay, let me try to explain. Take James and Laura. They’re a D/s couple. ‘D’ stands for Dominant and ‘s’ stands for submissive. The full acronym has a lot of meanings, and there are almost as many forms of BDSM as there are people who practice it. But let’s stick to this part for now. James’s need to dominate matches Laura’s desire to submit. Theyfit together because their needs and wants fulfill each other.” Kate took a sip of coffee and swallowed. “Chris and I are both dominant, so we don’t fit.”
Paula rapidly blinked before she openly stared. “I thought all Dominants were men.”
For real?Kate glanced Paula’s way and started laughing. “Okay, that shows you know next to nothing about BDSM. Dominants come in all genders and orientations. It’s not about men dominating women unless that’s how both parties want it. Some people switch roles depending on mood or partner. Anyhow, Chris and I have incredible chemistry going on, and yesterday was one of the best sexual encounters I’ve had in my entire life, but we wouldn’t work as a couple.”
Paula’s eyes widened. “This stuff is way more complicated than I realized, but what’s wrong with a night of hot sex?”
Of course, Paula didn’t get it. “In theory, nothing, but…” Kate allowed her shoulders to slump. She had to put it all on the table, and she whispered, “…but I’ve been fucking in love with the man for as long as I’ve known him, and I don’t think I can go back to the friend zone with him after this.”
Paula’s jaw dropped. “So, what will you do?”
Kate took her fork, loaded it with pancake, and was silent for several beats. “I don’t know.” She shoved the food into her mouth and chewed slowly. Too bad Paula couldn’t do more, but she had helped. Kate’s resolve and energy were restored now that she’d told someone. Maybe she could let it lie and avoid Chris for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER FOUR
The following Friday evening, Kate leaned against the back wall in Club Indigo’s main room, listening toHurtby Nine Inch Nails.Fucking appropriate song. Kate had DM duty, but the club was practically deserted. The only attendees, Julie and Ruby, sat at the bar talking with Scott.
