"He's not using me," I said.
"I know he's not using you. I know you're not naive. I just want to make sure he understands what he has."
I looked at her.
She looked back, steady, all the laughter from five minutes ago completely gone.
"He asked me to come back tonight," I said quietly.
“And you’re going to like…tell him you deserve not to be kept a secret, right?”
I grimaced, looking away. “I was the one who suggested it.”
She did a double-take. “Why?”
“Because I wanted it,” I said. “And because…because?—”
“Because you wanted it and you were willing to do anything for that dick,” she finished for me.
I shrugged. “Yeah. I guess.”
She rolled her eyes. “Respect.But…you should tell him. You deserve to be treated like a princess, okay?”
"I know," I said.
"Haven."
"I know, Amber."
"Because I love you and I will support you no matter what, but I also need you to know that you are the prize here. You. Nothim. You walked up to that man on your birthday and asked for what you wanted and he said yes, which means?—"
"It means he wanted me too."
"It means he wanted you too," she confirmed. "Which means you have more power in this than you think you do."
I looked at my hands on the table.
The thing was, I knew that. In the barn yesterday, in his bed last night, in his kitchen this morning—I'd felt it. The way he watched me. The way he'd made breakfast without being asked and told me to come back tonight…
“I think he’s scared,” I said. “I don’t know of what. I think—I think his history in the military is more messed up than he lets on, he had this scar?—”
“Haven, he is agrownass man, not a skittish animal.”
"I know he's not a skittish animal," I said. "I'm just saying he has reasons."
"Everyone has reasons," Amber said. "That doesn't mean you have to manage around them forever."
"I'm not managing around them. I just—" I stopped. "It's fine. It'll be fine."
She looked at me for a long moment.
"Okay," she said finally. "Okay. I trust you." She picked her bowl back up. "And for what it's worth, the fact that he made you breakfast and asked you back tonight? That's not a man who thinks this is nothing."
I looked at my hands.
I knew that too.
I stood up and grabbed my backpack. "I'm going to take an actual shower now. My shower. In our bathroom."
