“Once you start, it’s hard to stop.”
“It certainly was last night.”
“Ah, you had it more than once.”
“Three times.”
“Nice,” Carmie said. “Did he sleep over?
“I thought about it but didn’t give him a chance to ask.”
“Why not?”
“I was worn out. Also, I’m in love with him.”
“When we met for coffee, you said you might be. What’s wrong with that? From what you say, he seems very interested in you.”
“About having sex with me, definitely. Love? Nope.”
“The two go hand-in-hand, you know.”
“Not always. It’s obvious he likes me, but I’d bet my job his feelings for me aren’t half as strong as mine for him. I don’t expect him to change.”
“Why would you say that? You can’t predict the future.”
“No, but a while ago, he told me he doubted he could commit to anyone for long.”
“That was then, this is now. You haven’t known each other long. You fell for him fast. Maybe he needs time to figure it out. Better yet, why not talk to him and tell him how you feel?”
Vi snorted. “Are you nuts? One whiff of the L word and he’d be gone so fast… I refuse to subject myself to that. I’ve decided to cut things off with him.”
“OMG, Vi. I wish you’d let go of the past. You’re not twenty and naïve and he’s not Devin.”
Duh. “Excuse me for not wanting to embarrass myself.”
“I hear you, but it’s clear to me that this is a self-confidence issue.”
“You lost me, Carmie. I don’t see how any of this has to do with confidence.”
“Well, it does. Have you been looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re beautiful?”
“Not really.” Vi sighed. “He makes me feel that way, but it’s bound to fade.”
“Quit courting trouble. If you felt confident about yourself in other ways besides work, you’d feel safer and have less self-doubt. You wouldn’t be afraid to tell him how you feel.”
“You didn’t do that with Chris.”
“I did so. I said I loved him first. And now we’re engaged. You ought to try it.” She sounded so happy.
“It wouldn’t be that way with Blake. Believe me, I know.”
“But you’re in love with him. He sounds like such a great guy. Can’t you give him more time?”
“I would if I thought it’d change things. Sex isn’t enough for me. I need more. When Gran and Malcom exchanged vows, I realized I want to get married, too, to a man who’s ready for that kind of commitment. There’s no chance of that with Blake.”
“Chris just got here, so I have to go. I’ll leave you with one question. What if you’re mistaken?”
For days,Vi mulled over the conversation with Carmie. Could her friend be right? Was she wrong about Blake? He’d brought up the commitment thing weeks ago. Was it possible he might feel differently now or in the future?
