“A little positivity never hurt anyone,” I tell him as I begin scratching at the small ticket. My heart races as I reveal different icons.
One acorn.
One ladybug.
One rabbit’s foot.
One four-leaf clover.
None of them is my lucky icon, which is a horseshoe.
Maybe I’m meant to take the safe option after all. Disappointment fills me, surprising me with its intensity. But when I scratch the last icon, I squeal as the corner of it is revealed. Quickly, I scratch the rest off to be sure.
“Ahhh!” I yell once it’s fully cleared, jumping up and down. “Oh my god!” The man watches me attentively as I celebrate, an entertained eyebrow lifted.
“Did you win?”
“Yes!” I shout, waving the lottery ticket in his face. “Look!”
“A hundred bucks,” he confirms, with a nod. “Will that cover your bills enough for you to quit your job?” I stare at the ticket again, a wide grin on my face, my chest light as I shake my head.
“No. Not at all. But I’m going to do it anyway. It’s a sign. Everything is going to work for me.” When I speak the words aloud, I believe them, each one settling into my chest and a sense of peace washing over me as I make my decision.
“Because you’re lucky,” he says.
“Exactly.” He grabs his things and moves to step away, but I stop him. “Thank you,” I say, the penny in the palm of my hand. He looks at it, then at me, before shaking his head.
“Keep it. It might be lucky.” He walks out before I can say anything else, and I turn to Connie, who is grinning at me.
“You’re a nut, girl.”
“I know,” I say with a laugh. We chat for a bit as she cashes out my lottery ticket, and with one hundred dollars I didn’t have before in my pocket, I’m feeling a bit more confident about the choice I think I was always going to make.
I’m terrified, but it’s the right decision—somehow, I know that in my bones.
When I get into my car, the air conditioning starts up without a problem, and I decide it’s another sign that I’m moving in the right direction. Somehow, some way, everything is going to work out for me, because I am lucky andeverythingworks out for me.
TWO
The entire drive back to my place, I force my mind to stay on a positive track. Anytime it veers off, I remind myself that the universe has made my decision for me, and I’m sticking with it. It’s notmemaking irrational, off-the-cuff life choices: it’s the universe.
I am so lucky, and everything works out for me.
The second I walk through the front door of my shitty apartment, I set my bag down and bring my laptop to the kitchen. Without giving myself another moment to overthink, I send off an email, accepting being laid off for a year and thus taking the leap into the unknown. With each word I type, a bit of the tension leaves my chest, signaling I’m maybe-probably making the right choice.
Finally, I hit send, slam my laptop shut, take a deep breath, let it go, and stare at the wall for a minute.
I did it.
Thursday will be my last day of teaching for over a year.
I quit my job, in a way.
Relief washes over me as I realize it meansI won’t have to be a teacher for a year. Quickly on its heels, panic surges in.
I just quit my job.
I quit my job with absolutely no safety net. I might have savings and low overhead, but Idohave bills to pay.
