I cut her off, having heard this argument a dozen times.
“I love the confidence, but that’s not a career. Art doesn’t pay the bills,” I say with a laugh, shaking my head. It’s a lesson I watched play out over and over through my childhood, and a lesson I refuse to learn firsthand.
Art is a hobby.
Art is a stress reliever.
Art is not a career. Art is not something you can rely on, and surely not something that can support a family when the time comes.
“Not when you refuse to try and make it pay the bills,” Claire says. She’s been the most adamant about encouraging me to start a small shop and list my paintings. Over winter break last year, she even went so far as to help me set one up, but I chickened out before I could even go live. I allowed myself toget wrapped back up in school and after-school obligations, lesson plans, and grading papers, so I never touched it again.
“Claire…” I start, but her eyes are fierce on me,
“If you never try to sell them, you’re right: you will never pay the bills. This is the perfect way to test something. You’ve got a year to see if you can make something happen, make it so you wake up every morning excited to go to work. I know in my heart you could make something of it, but you’re the person who needs convincing. Is that how you would want your students to be? Deeply logical and practical, and never living for their dreams?”
My gut twists, knowing the answer, but…
“It’s not that easy.”
“It could be, June,” Lainey adds, and I get the distinct feeling they’ve talked about this before. “You’re talented, you’re just too scared to end up like your parents, something that we all know wouldnever happen,if only because Grant would never let it.” Her words bring a dread-filled reminder that soon, I’ll have to tell my brother the news, but I push that away quickly. I have enough to focus on right now. “But the truth is, if you never try, you’ll never know.”
There’s silence as they stare at me, and all of their words swirl around me, making me dizzy. Claire must see the brewing panic on my face, because she shifts, sitting up and reaching for my hands, and giving me a smile. “We can table the art discussion for later, because you’ve got a lot going on, but here's what Idowant you to promise us. I want you to give in to your inner woo-woo girl and let the universe guide you along. Say yes to crazy ideas and opportunities that fall into your lap, take advantage of all of the luck the universe sends your way. You’re always saying you’re so lucky, and everything works out for you—apply that tenfold this summer.”
The suggestion alone makes my pulse jump, but not with nerves this time.
With excitement.
“Instead of lucky girl syndrome, live out your lucky girl summer,” Lainey adds.
“My lucky girl summer,” I say, rolling the idea around in my mind and finding that it intrigues me. Hell, I just made a huge life decision on an impulse based on a lottery ticket because Ibelievedthat it would lead me in the right direction. Why can’t I apply that theory to the entire summer? I stare at them, then take in a deep breath and nod, speaking on another impulse and praying it won’t lead me astray.
“Okay. Deal.”
“Woo!” Claire yells, throwing her hands in the air as if I just agreed to go skydiving instead of just living my life to its fullest.
“Now I just have to figure out how to tell Grant I quit my job,” I say with a sigh. The mere thought of disappointing my older brother and telling him I purposely got laid off sends me into a cold sweat. He’s always been responsible and was the loudest voice encouraging me to go to school to become a teacher. He gave up so much in his own life for me, staying home in Seaside Point to help raise me as our grandparents got older, and I’ve always felt I owed him everything.
What will he say when I tell him I threw away everything he did for me, even if it’s only temporary?
“I don’t get it, June. Why are youscaredof your brother?” Lainey asks, a hint of irritation in the words.
“I think you’re the only onenotscared of him, Lainey,” Claire says low.
“That’s because I have common sense. What the hell is he gonna do, glare you to death?” Lainey asks. I lift a shoulder.
“Yeah. And tell me he’s disappointed in me.”
“A killing blow,” Claire says solemnly, but Lainey rolls her eyes.
“He’ll get over it,” she says. “And if not, you can just send him my way. I’ll set him straight.”
“And just how will you dothat,Lainey?” Claire asks, a smile on her lips. My childhood best friend rolls her eyes at my college best friend, and I’m reminded once again just how lucky I am that these two get along so well, so we can be the perfect little friend group.
“Shut up, Claire. Now, I’m starving. What do we want for takeout? My treat.” And even though it’s clearly a diversion to change the topic, we allow it before deciding on Chinese. We spend the rest of the evening eating, laughing, and watching trash TV. When they leave, I go about my nighttime routinebefore sitting in my bed with my laptop and opening up job sites. I’ll have to revamp my resume, but tonight, I just want to see what my options might be. I scroll for a while, finding a few interesting things and adding them to my favorites before making a list of small businesses on the boardwalk that might need help this summer.
And then, with a pounding heart, I find myself opening up the shop Claire helped me make months ago. My hands shake as I look at the three listings we put up, my eyes drifting to the corner of my room to the stack of canvases that could use new homes. What if they’re right, and I should use this opportunity to…try? And if it fails miserably, I’d be secure in the knowledge that come next fall, I have a job waiting for me.
After a moment, though, I shake my head, close my computer, and wipe the idea from my mind.
