“What’s there to explain, Mac?”
“Okay, then let me apologize.”
“Why? Why should I hear out your apology? This was just a game to you.”
“That isn’t true at all.”
“Okay,” I say with a nasty tone, rolling my eyes.
“I thought—”
“Mac, I don’t care what you thought. You need to stop talking.” My voice cracks and wavers. Tears have sprung loose from my eyes and streak my face. “Just…leave me alone.”
He doesn’t try to defend himself again. He concedes, nodding and getting back into his car. He stays there until Jade pulls up and jumps out of the driver’s seat. She drapes my jacket around my shoulders and wraps me into a hug. Mac’s headlights still beat down on us. Jade tucks me into the passenger’s side and gives Mac the finger as she pops back into the car. She throws it in reverse and takes me back to our dorm.
Mac’s headlights stay on for as long as I can see them in the rearview mirror.
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
MAC
I don’t care that it’s only been four days since I blew up my relationship with Jessie. I miss her. I missed her within a day of the fight.
Before Saturday we’d been texting every day—memes, telling each other how we did on a quiz, asking schoolwork-related questions. I found reasons to text her, just excuses to start a conversation. Every morning since the fight I’ve reached for my phone, eager to type out a message to her, only to remember the way she looked at me when she realized I’d known, that I’d been an absolute asshat. The things she said rush back at me, and all over again I get a thick lump in my throat.
I still cringe at the way I tried to defend myself during our fight. Even Brody told me I was a dumbass at racquetball last night after I recounted the whole thing.
I should have tried harder to tell her before. I should have just blurted it out. I should not have been so fucking stupid. Should’ve, should’ve, should’ve. This is the refrain on repeat in my head every day. All day. I’m not normally a brooder, and I keep trying to find the silver lining, but I can’t find a trace of silver in this, only ways I could have done better.Shouldhave done better.
Today is the first day I’m almost guaranteed to run into Jessie. We share two classes in our schedules, and one of those classes is today. It will be the first time seeing her since Sunday, and I’m really considering skipping this class, but it’s too close to the end of the year for that, and we’re probably getting exam info today, so I need to be there. But I’m going to need coffee to do this. Preferably with some whiskey in it.
I stop by the campus cafe to get a latte the size of my face, but of course, when I walk in the only other person in there is Jessie’s best friend. Jade.
Shit.
“Well, well, well, look what the cat chewed up, spit out, clawed up, and dragged across a gravel driveway and into the coffee shop,” Jade says, turning to face me. She leans a hip against the counter and crosses her arms.
The barista making her drink snorts. This might be worse than seeing Jessie right now. Hell hath no fury like a best friend scorned.
I can’t decide if I should try to explain myself, apologize, or just leave. I know girl code, and I have no doubt Jade already knows everything.
“Did you know it was me?” I ask, taking the offensive. Maybe I can steer our conversation.
“Are you fucking kidding me? If I didIwould have told her,” Jade says.
Ouch…But it’s a fair point.
“I tried, I really did.”
“Not hard enough,” she says, turning back to the counter where the barista has finished making her drink. Jade removes the lid immediately to sip the whipped cream off the top.
“You’re right,” I say, but Jade makes no indication she wants to continue this conversation, so I move away from her to the register to order my drink.
Order placed, I return to the end of the counter to wait for my drink. I fidget, straightening up the cup of straws, organizing the sugars, and trying to make myself as small as possible.
I sense Jade’s eyes still on me, and when I look over she’s still there staring. Her eyes bore into me in a way that makes me want to curl up into a very small ball and hide until it feels safe to come out. Which it may never be so long as Jade lives and breathes.
“I have to know,” she says, “are you just very inexperienced with women, or are you actually stupid?”
