A loud, horrible noise jolts me out of sleep and drops me right into reality. I’m not on my honeymoon. I’m alone in the resort bedroom I’ve been living in for two months, empty beer cans from last night littering my side table and the floor next to my bed. My head is pounding.
The loud banging at my door starts again.
“For fuck’s sake.”
I haul myself out of bed and crack open the door. I squint against the minimal amount of light that comes in, though thankfully it’s still dark outside and no sun blinds me.
“You look like shit,” Gray says.
“Thanks,” I say and leave the door cracked for him, shuffling back to bed. I crawl under the covers and pull them over my head.
“What are you doing? We’re going to the gym.”
“No.”
“Since when do you want to skip the gym?”
Since I ruined my fucking life last night and I want to wallow in peace. The conversation with Abby could not have gone worse. Not only does she not want to be my girlfriend—she said some things that keep circling in my mind and the only way I could get rid of them was by drinking myself to blackout last night and passing out.
“I need space.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“You seem to care more about my yes than what I want.”
I am such an asshole.
But I don’t know that I could have done last night any differently. I was so confident she wanted what I wanted. I was sure, given everything over the last few days, that she was as into me as I am into her. And I was so fucking wrong.
And when I realized I was wrong, I felt choked with fear. I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was losing her in real time.Again. And I just thought if I could hold onto her that everything would be okay.
I felt sick and scared and I’m so ashamed of my behavior, but I don’t know how to be different. I still feel sick and scared and that’s why I’m not leaving my room today.
I wasn’t going to work anyway; I had the day off to be with Abby on her last day. She’s flying out later this afternoon, but I don’t want to run into her. So I’ll leave my room tomorrow. I’ll go back to work and throw myself into it and figure out how to clean up my life another day.
“I’m not going to the gym, Gray.”
“Like hell you’re not. Obviously something happened with you and Abby, and I want all the juicy details, so you’re going to get your ass to the gym and tell me what happened.”
My throat closes up and tears press against the backs of my eyes. I push the palms of my hands into my eyes. I’m not fucking crying. I’ll never stop if I start.
“Come on. It’ll be good for you,” Gray says.
“Fine,” I say, throwing back the covers. “Go away. I’ll meet you there in ten.”
“I’m waiting outside your room,” he says and shuts the door behind him before I can tell him otherwise.
If I sit in bed all day, I’ll end up crying and probably drinking more. Gray is right—moving my body will be good for me. If I really want to, I can lie in bed all day after that, but I have to do something with these feelings, and going to the gym or running is the only way I know to get them out.
I reluctantly dress, and Gray and I walk to the gym together. It’s still early enough that the resort isn’t awake yet. Most of the world isn’t awake yet, either, as the sun herself is still sleeping.
But Destiny isn’t sleeping. She’s waiting inside the gym, hands on her hips.
“Where have you been?” she chides. “Three days I come here and you are nowhere to be found.” She gestures to my brother. “And then you show up with your twin.”
“He’s my younger brother, not my twin.”
“I do not care. What kind of magic trick is this?” Destiny asks.
