I do the same, but it’s a shorter breath.
“Through the nose,” he says and sucks in air through his nostrils. I try to mimic him and manage a slightly longer inhale. “Out through the mouth,” he instructs, and I push the air out through my mouth.
We do this a few times, and I feel like I’m coming back to Earth. My heart rate is starting to slow, my hands don’t feel numb anymore, and I seem to be able to catch a full breath every few tries.
Nothing is spinning and I don’t feel scared anymore.
“Here,” Gray says, and Destiny offers a cold water bottle to me. “Hold that for a second, and just focus on how cold it feels, okay?”
I do what he tells me, honing my thoughts on the water bottle in my hand. The cold is a welcome relief, and as the coolness transfers into my hands, my heart slows even more, and I start to really come back to myself.
“Drink,” Destiny instructs. I crack open the water bottle and down half of it.
“Holy shit, what just happened to me?” I ask, looking between Gray and Destiny.
“I think you had a panic attack,” Gray says.
Is that what that was? I just felt like I was dying.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“My roommate gets them sometimes.”
I rub at my chest again, at the phantom pain lodged there. “You’ve seen this before?”
Gray nods, his lips pinched in a thin line.
“Perhaps a visit to the doctor, my friend?” Destiny says. “The man at the resort here is very kind.”
She pats me on the shoulder, and I’m glad for it. Her touch is also bringing me back to myself.
I feel like a leaking balloon—like all the air left me, leaving me a shriveled, deflated thing, but slowly it’s coming back. The hole is patched and I’m filling out again. I take a full, deep breath, and although I still feel shaky, I also feel better.
“Let’s finish the workout,” I say.
Gray and Destiny exchange a look.
“You don’t want to go to the doctor now?” Gray asks.
“I think you should go lie down for a bit,” Destiny says.
“I don’t think lying down and staring at my ceiling is going to help,” I say.
“I don’t think getting your heart rate up again is going to help either,” Destiny points out.
“I hate to say it, but I agree with the lady,” Gray says.
I deflate. I was hoping to just ignore this and continue on, pretending it never happened, but it doesn’t seem like they’re going to let me get away with that.
“Yeah, all right, I’ll figure out when the clinic opens and go then,” I say and leave Destiny and Gray at the gym.
I optfor a long walk instead of staring at my ceiling, and circle basically the whole resort before having a small breakfast and waiting for the clinic to open at eight. I’m in and out in no lessthan an hour, and as I’m leaving the doctor’s office, I notice Destiny on a wicker egg chair in the lobby, scrolling on her phone.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Waiting for you.”
I rear back, surprised. Destiny and I are gym buddies, of course, but this puts us in friend territory. It feels nice to realize I have a real friend here.
