“Do you think it’ll stop you from doing it again?” Winnie asks.
“No. I think I’ll still be scared, but it felt really good to say what I wanted instead of just bending to become whatever someone else wanted me to be.”
“That’s what matters,” Winnie says. “The rest will come with time.”
Captain sniffs his way over to me and tentatively crawls onto my lap, one paw at a time, cautiously settling himself on top of my folded limbs. I run my hand over his back and feel the vibrations of his purring on my legs.
“Do we think Miles will come around?” Hazel asks. “Do you want him to?”
I keep my eyes on Captain; it’s easier this way, not having to look my friends in the eyes. “I feel like I’m supposed to tell you that I’m done with him and I’m closing the door on him and I never want to hear from him again, but I would be lying.”
“In the spirit of using your voice, I think you should tell us exactly what you want. Fuck the shoulds,” Hazel says.
I inhale a shaky breath, hoping this is like working out—the more I do it, the stronger I get. “I want to know what would happen if we tried again. I want him to apologize and say that he’s willing to just date me before we commit to anything. I want him and I hate it because what if he can’t get past his own stuff and I have to get over him all over again?”
“Then you will. You’ve done it once and that time you were way more in love than you are right now. The good news is that you are an expert in healing from heartbreak now, and although that’s not something anyone wants to be, it does make you capable. And, plus, you have us,” Hazel says and glances at Winnie.
“And Captain,” Winnie adds.
“Never underestimate the love of a pet when healing the heart,” Hazel says.
As if on cue, Captain sits up, stretching his legs and arching his back. He stands on my lap and looks up at me, then bumps the top of his forehead against my chin.
“I swear that cat loves only you,” Winnie says.
“And I love him,” I say and peck a tiny kiss to his soft head. He butts my face again, just a soft tap of his head against my own. “It was about time we made it official, right, Captain?”
Hazel does an imitation of Captain’s voice, gruff with an odd accent. “Yes, thank you, kind lady.”
“Do we think he’s Scottish?” I ask.
“That was a British accent,” Hazel says.
“Oh…uh…” I glance at Winnie, who just shakes her head. I grimace.
“I get the point. I’ll work on my accents,” Hazel says.
“Ready for pizza?” Winnie asks, climbing off the bed.
I set down Captain and close the door behind me.
We settle on the couch with cheese pizza and beer. While Winnie and Hazel dig in, I steer the conversation to their lives because even though I have more to share, I need to really steel myself for the next part of the conversation.
They update me on all their animals and mention that the shelter they foster for just made a big rescue at a puppy mill not far from here and they’ll probably be bringing a puppy into their already chaotic household of animals.
“Just to foster,” Hazel insists. “We won’t adopt them.”
Winnie and I share an eye roll because Hazel says that every time.
Hazel and Winnie both talk about their jobs. Winnie’s business was nominated for an award with the local chamber ofcommerce, and I mark the ceremony date in my calendar for the fall.
“Oh, speaking of the fall, I know your job doesn’t really give you a ton of time off during the school year, but do you think you could take a few days? Winnie turns thirty-five this year and we want to get a cabin in the Poconos for a long weekend.”
“Yeah, I could totally do that. Um…mostly because I will not be teaching next year,” I say.
Winnie nearly drops her pizza and Hazel’s eyes go wide as saucers. They both lean in, their shoulders straining from holding themselves back.
“WHAT?” they shout simultaneously, which happens all the time. Like they got married four years ago and have slowly merged into one person.
