I won the sibling lottery with Gray.
And every day I feel like shit for going off to college while he dealt with the fallout of our dad’s affair.
He sighs again, and I imagine him running his fingers through his short walnut-brown hair. Gray takes after our mom, with lighter hair and green eyes, and unfortunately, I take after our dad. Sometimes, if my hair is styled in a certain way, I look in the mirror and see him. Needless to say, I don’t style my hair like that.
“I really thought this was it,” Gray says, disappointment lacing his words. It hits me square in the chest. “I don’t know if I have it in me to keep pitching to people. To keep getting rejected.”
“You’re right, it sucks.”
“Says the guy who had multiple NHL teams knocking on his door before he graduated.”
“It was two, and look how that ended up.”
Silence. Gray brought up a sensitive topic and he knows it, but he’s hurting, so I won’t hold it against him.
“What do you need, Gray?” I ask. “Do you need more money?”
“Probably.”
“How much?”
Another sigh. “I don’t know. I have to…I have to go back to the drawing board, figure out how to make it better, more appealing to investors. I probably need more beta testing and?—”
His voice cracks. He sounds so tired.
“You need a vacation, kid,” I say.
He scoffs. “Yeah, with what?—”
“Come to Mexico. I’ll fly you down; you can stay with me for a week. I’m here for another month at least.”
“Miles, I can’t pay for?—”
“I’m well aware of what you can and can’t pay for, and that’s why I’m paying.”
“Seriously, Miles?—”
“Shut up, Gray. Just book the flights and tell me when you’re coming. You deserve the time off. You’ve been working your ass off and I can hear it in your voice. You need a break. Come to Mexico, get inspired again or drink until you reset your brain, whatever, I don’t care.”
“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll book flights.”
“Good.”
“You okay, man?” Gray asks.
“Yeah, why?”
“Because you’re being bossy.”
“I’m always bossy—it’s what I do. Big brother shit.”
“Mmm, if you say so.”
“Just book your flights and tell me when you’ll be here.”
He agrees, promising to text me dates, and I let him go with the promise that if he doesn’t book flights, I’ll fly up and carry him on to a flight to Mexico. He knows I’m serious.
His words clang around in my head for a bit. I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, though, because Iamalways bossy with him. Always have been. Maybe I’m more irritable than normal, given that I’m increasingly desperate to have a conversation with Abby.
