I don’t know where the name came from, but it suits my little angel so perfectly.
Maybe I like the idea of a gender-neutral name. Baby can be anything and anyone she wants to be. The limits are her imagination, creativity, energy, and passion.
I’m so excited to see where life takes her. I’m ready to back her 100%. Call me Cheerleader Mom! OMG. I’m gonna embarrass Baby so dang much. Ha-ha. I mean, Jamie. I gotta get used to calling her by her new REAL name. Just looking at her sleeping beside me gives me chills in the best way. I can’t believe I made this little girl. I’m petrified of not doing a good job. I hope I never disappoint her or let her down. I’d hate for her to ever feel or look at me the way I did with my mom. It makes me sick just thinking about the possibility.
My stomach flips. I swallow hard and rub the space on my chest over my aching heart. It’s devastating to sense Mom’s fear so vividly from the pages of her diary. She writes about not wanting to disappoint me, and it hurts.
Alfred rubs his head against my thigh, and I reach down to pat his head. I smile as guilt squirms inside me. Every second I waste, not working on my assignments, I’m disappointing my mom. All she wanted was for me to make something of myself. How did I not realize I‘m wasting my opportunities?
Would Mom be disappointed in the fact I want a boyfriend? Would she steer me clear of Milo the moment she sensed an attraction between us. Mom’s romantic endeavors didn’t turn into fairytales. I remember when I was five-years-old, she’d come home from work and clean off all her makeup. She’d tell me, being home was the best part of her day. I get the feeling she didn’t want a man around who could ruin the special times we had.
Mom looked so pretty when she stripped off all the makeup. There’s something about plastering your face with all that junk that turns me off. A few years ago, I played around with Aunt Maddy’s mascara, and poked myself in the eye. I still don’t know how to use any of that stuff. Maybe Mom would’ve taught me.
I wonder if her protectiveness would deter me from romance all together. Is that why Aunt Maddy is only in a serious romance now at twenty-eight-years-old? Hmm. No. Probably looking after me put a hitch in her dating life.
But I’m sure Mom’s track record didn’t exactly help.
I nestle in closer to Alfred and run my fingers through his long ginger fur. He purrs deeper, eyeing me with a content stare. Calmness washes over me and I slip out of bed.
“Thanks, Alfie,” I whisper. “I won’t waste any more time. Wish me luck with my math homework.”
No more excuses. It’s clear I can’t ask Milo for help right now. And if I want to stay at Ashworth Academy, I can’t rely on him until we graduate. I need to keep this scholarship all on my own. Besides, I was smart enough to get thescholarship in the first place. It was just never explained to me it could be taken away. Not that it would’ve stopped me slacking off to hang with Kai.
After an hour of focusing, footsteps break my concentration. They move from Kai’s bedroom, passing the bathroom, and then landing at my door.
Milo enters the doorway, his head down and his voice low. “Hey. is Alfie in here?”
“Oh, yeah,” I say, turning from the desk and gesturing at the bed. “He’s made himself a nest over there.”
Milo scuffs his way into the room, his mood lightening as he views his cat. “Hey Alfie-kins,” he says, smiling as Alfie stretches and purrs.
“He doesn’t want to move from that spot.”
“I don’t blame him,” Milo mutters, sitting on the bed and curling an arm around the cat. “I’d want to stay here too. Far away from Kai.”
I suck in a bated breath. “What did he do?”
Milo’s lip quirks as he pats Alfie’s long fur. “Nothing, really. He’s just blasting one of those conspiracy theory podcasts. I can’t stand that stuff.”
“Oh, right,” I say, snapping two fingers. “The new A.J. Jones podcast came out today. Kai’s obsessed with him.”
Milo looks up. He stares into my eyes for the first time since playing Draikin Crusades. “What about you?” he asks. “Do you like him too? You could go in there and watch the stream. I’ll happily take over the desk.”
I reach behind me and touch the desk. “No, those podcasts go for a minimum of two hours. Then it’s another two hours of listening to what Kai googles afterwards. I don't think this math homework will finish itself.”
Milo looks back down, running his fingers through Alfie’s fur. “Is that the extra set Mr. Pritchard gave you?”
“Yeah. I already finished the regular homework.”
Milo whistles. “You did? You didn’t even get my help on it.”
I pick up my homework and wave it at him. “I could use some help with these questions. If you’re not busy?”
He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the cat. “Sure, I got nothing better to do.”
I grit my teeth, feeling a pounding in my chest. “Look, Milo, I really didn’t mean what I said. You have to know I don’t think you’re a loser.”
His gaze doesn’t budge. “Why would I know that?”
