Throughout the night, I check the bedroom window, hoping Alfie’s there. He wasn’t, but I keep my ears pricked, regardless.
For good measure, thoughts of Coach and my mom torment me awake. I knew they were friends, but she never mentioned knowing him before the move to Victoria Falls. How could she have known the whole time that he was my dad and never say anything? She could’ve at least confided in Aunt Maddy.
Instead, she let us believe we should fear my dad’s identity.
I grind my teeth and clench my fists. That part I can’t forgive. How dare Mom make me so terrified? If she wasn’t sure who my dad was, it’d be one thing. But she knew! The whole time!
When it’s time to get up for school, my whole body is wrecked. I was so tightly wound last night, clenching all my muscles in rage and sadness, that getting up this morning and stretching is excruciating.
I get ready for school with less enthusiasm than a zombie. When I make it downstairs, I find out Milo already had his grandpa drive him to school. They’re taking detours through the neighborhood, searching for Alfie. I suggest to Kai we do the same thing.
With no luck, we arrive at school before the first bell. Kai steers me by the shoulders to my locker and my first class because my brain is still numb. I remain glazed over during my first three classes. Milo ignoring me, and doing something that hurt him is bad enough. But I need to talk to Coach today, and it’s terrifying me.
What if he doesn’t believe me? He’ll laugh in my face and tell me to leave his office. Or, what if he gets mad and never wants to see me again because my mom lied? He’d throw me off the team and tell the school administration to rip up my scholarship.
Or what if he already knows? What if he chose to keep it from me, just like Mom? I can’t even fathom that outcome. It makes my stomach twist in on itself.
When class ends, I hold a fist over my mouth, swallowing the building sickness at the back of my mouth. I edge my way into the hall, cradling my books under one arm as I press my other arm into my gut. I edge along the wall, focusing on my shoes as my insides slosh. As I wait for the crowd to push past, I lift my gaze. Trudging close to the wall and toward me is Milo.
His glasses can’t hide the bags under his eyes. He probably tossed and turned as much as me, listening to that soul-crushing storm continue throughout the night.
We could’ve stayed up together. Worried together. Comforted each other.
Now, in the hall, he looks up in time to lock eyes with me. His frown doesn’t budge, but his eye color dulls. He pushes off the wall, diverting his path away from me.
“Milo?” I call in a pathetically soft tone.
Even if he heard me, I doubt he’d turn around. Knowing the pain he’s in doesn't make the rejection any easier. A sharp pain digs into my heart. I shutmy eyes and lower to the ground, pressing my back to the wall. I blow out a breath and feel bile rising from my stomach.
I hate that he’s so mad at me. I hate that he can’t look at me.
Gosh, I miss him so much.
I rub my thumb between my temples. I’m supposed to talk to Coach. How the heck do I do this?
“Jamie?” a voice asks with concern.
I open my eyes and look up, finding Tabitha lowering to the ground.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
With a clenched jaw, I shake my head.
She winces. “Are you sick?”
“Mhmm.” I swallow roughly. “Where’s Kai?”
Tabitha gestures down the hall. “I was about to meet up with him by his locker.”
I stare hard at her. “I need Kai.”
She rises. “I’ll get him.”
Another wave of sickness bubbles up and I swallow with a grunt.
“Kai!” Tabitha calls, standing on her toes and waving. “Over here.”
Before I can find him in the hall, I hear him skid. He kneels by me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling my gaze toward his. “What’s wrong?”
