He looks ill. “Why were you thinking about him while kissing me?”
I groan, rubbing my hands over my face and into my hair. “I was just thinking about how good a friend he was to me today. Despite what just happened at the table. He dropped everything to hang with me. Weirdly, I think it gave me the strength to find Alfie.”
Milo shifts, his frame becoming less tense. “So, you and Kai were together all day?”
“Pretty much after I saw you in school today.”
“When I avoided you.” He looks away, adjusting his glasses. “After that, you left with Kai.”
“It wasn’t because of you.”
He turns to look at me. “Then what was it about? The thing you can’t tell me?”
I gulp and nod.
“Will you ever tell me?”
I huff, looking down at the bed cover. “I don’t want to talk about it. I was just happy to talk about it with Kai, that’s all. Is that such a big deal?”
He chews his lip, eyes darting about our surroundings. “Maybe, because you’re thinking about it while kissing me.”
“It’s nothing romantic,” I blurt. “Far, far from it.”
Tension tightens his body language, pulling him away from me.
“Milo, please,” I say softly, grasping his hands. “Don’t pull away. It’s not like I’m keeping a secret. You know I’m talking with Kai about something. Isn’t that enough?”
“Would you mind if I actively kept secrets from you?”
I frown, feeling knots intensify in my back. “This isn’t about you. What is about you is the fact I’m crazy about you, and I want to kiss you.”
His lip quirks, fighting the urge to smile while his frown dominates his expression.
I stroke his jawline. “If I tell you about what Kai and I were discussing, all kissing will stop.”
His head tilts. “Why?”
“Because all I’d want to do is puke.”
He smirks. “Well, I don’t want that.”
My fingers walk along his shoulders and meet behind his neck. I sit on my knees and look deeply into his hazel eyes. “Milo, you’re the only person I want to think about. You’re the only person who constantly makes me feel good about myself. Even when we weren’t talking, all I wanted to do was make it better. I wanted to be better. When we're together, I want you to feel amazing. You’re so important to me. Do you believe me?”
His eyes blink twice, and then are framed by smile lines. “Yeah, cutie. I believe you.”
I peck his lips. Before I can pull away, his hands run along my sides and plant on my back. He pushes back on my lips, applying a passionate layer of pressure. His head tilts, angling his kiss and giving me plenty of reassurance he’s still in this with me.
The words from Mom’s diary push their way into my brain. I scrunch my eyes closed and lean against Milo as my lust amps up. Any proposed images of talking to Coach about him and my mom dissipate as Milo mimics my level of heat.
I completely understand why he wants to know what I’m hiding. It would drive me nuts too. But living inside my head with the truth is torture. Why can’t I just have more time of sunshine and rainbows with Milo? Is that too much to ask?
If Milo knows, all he’ll want to do is talk about it. He’ll pep talk me into talking with Coach. Yes, I’ll eventually need that. But right now, I’m not ready. Instead, I want things to be easy. Making out and random chats about homework are more than enough for me to handle.
I run a hand down the front of Milo’s sweatshirt and trace over the embossed lettering. He mumbles a laugh, missing my lips, and tickling my cheek with small puffs of air. I lean in, angling my face toward his neck, and nibble under his jaw. His hands press into my back in approval, and another soft chuckle whispers out of him.
I’m so into him, I can’t pull myself away, even though something pricks my ears. I don’t want to figure out what it is, even though it comes closer. Soon there’s a thud at our door.
“What in the…” It comes out of Kai with increasing volume. “James? Mi… What the… My God!”
