I groan. “Aunt Maddy, you are enjoying this a little too much.”
Milo sets the baby back in the carrier and follows me to the booth. When we sit, Milo takes out his phone, opening the attachment Coach sent. He reads through the first lines of description, which mention the wristbands, proper care versus mishandling, and sensor-enabled diapers and bottles.
After he reads the part about the different sounds the baby emits, he grimaces as he continues, “…And although your baby might cry when he or she needs a diaper change, in some cases, the baby will emit an odor, signifying he or she needs changing.”
“Ugh. Gross.” I wince. “It farts?”
Milo laughs. “Coach said it was realistic. It also says after feeding it needs to be burped, which sometimes is a short process, but sometimes can be lengthy.”
“Lengthy? That sounds ominous.”
Milo flips his phone to show the screen. “There are diagrams on how to do everything.”
“I’m already exhausted thinking about it.”
“It says one of the first things we should do is name the baby to establish a bond,” Milo says. “Should we name him now?”
“We should just call him Baby, like my mom did for me.”
“What do you mean?”
I smirk. “My name was literally Baby West for the first six months of my life.”
Milo laughs. “What? How is that possible?”
“That’s how long you legally have to name a child. Mom said she already had too much responsibility, and naming a human was over her limit.”
“Whoa. I can’t imagine being that stressed out.”
I look down at the baby and shake my head. “Neither can I.”
“Is that why Maddy calls you baby?” Milo asks.
I smile and nod. “She bonded with me as Baby while she babysat when Mom worked nights. She likes it, no matter how many times I tell her to retire the nickname.”
“Seems like both your mom and your aunt had to work really hard.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s why Maddy laughed when she saw this thing. Our lives are easy now compared to when I was born.”
“Hey, he’s a baby, not a thing,” Milo jokes. “Anyway, the assignment says we should name our baby.”
“Eww.” I grimace. “Don’t use the wordsour baby.”
Milo laughs, showing me his phone screen. “It literally says that, though.”
“I don’t want to think of this thing as my baby,” I argue. “I especially don’t want any weird images in my mind of this somehow being our baby.”
Milo’s face screws up, causing his glasses to slide. “Why would you think like that? The baby’s fake and this is an assignment.”
“Maybe the wording hits me harder.” I shrug. “I dunno.”
“So,” Milo draws out the word. “You don’t want to name it?”
“You can. I don’t care what you call it.”
Milo takes the baby out of the carrier. “Shouldn’t it be a team effort?”
“No, I’ll give you full control. Naming a baby isn’t something I want to do.”
