I wake up with searing pain in my hands. My fists are so tightly wound, they’re difficult to unravel. My jaw hurts from grinding my teeth. My stomach is cramped from raising my knees into the fetal position.
My unconscious self tried so hard to keep me asleep, but I was no match for Gandalf’s cries. His pitch is crazy high and the sobs vary in length.
“Oh my gosh,” I whimper, verging on tears. I pull him onto the bed. “Why won’t you stop crying?”
The baby continues to fret, and my first instinct is to cover his mouth. It barely mutes him. I can’t have him waking up Aunt Maddy. But maybe I need her. Or a priest to perform an exorcism.
I hold the baby close, hoping some rocking back and forth will soothe him.
His cries persist.
“Come on, Gandalf,” I whisper harshly. “You’ve already been fed and changed. What is it now?”
As he continues to cry in my arms, my tears stream. A mixture of sleep deprivation and running emotions. My head is a jumble of thoughts and I can’t think of what my next step should be.
I don’t know how he could help, but I pick up my phone and text Milo, anyway.
“Gandalf won’t stop crying.”
“I think he’s possessed.”
“OMG why won’t he stop?”
“I can’t do this anymore. I want to find an off switch.”
Each time I texted, I told myself it’d be the last time. However, my scattered emotions wouldn’t let me stop. My teeth chatter as the feeling of helplessness ripples through me. Somehow, writing to Milo comforts me.
When I’m about to text another rambled message, my phone buzzes with an incoming call from Milo.
I hit answer and lift the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” It comes out like a wounded whimper.
“Jamie, you sound so sad,” Milo whispers through the phone.
“I can’t believe you called,” I whisper back.
“It seemed like you needed help. Is looking after him too much?”
I roughly swipe my weeping eyes with my sleeve. “I just don’t know why he won’t stop. I’ve done everything he could possibly need, and he keeps crying every hour.”
“What does everything mean?” Milo asks. “Feeding, burping, changing, cuddling?”
“Yes, Milo!” I yelp. There’s a moment of silence on the line until I sigh and add, “Sorry for snapping. I’m just losing it.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says in a soothing tone. “I’d go insane too if I kept getting woken up and couldn’t fix it.”
My teeth chatter as I hold back a sob of frustration. “I just don’t know what else to do.”
“Have you asked Maddy for help?”
“I don’t want to wake her,” I admit. “She’s going on her first ever flight tomorrow, plus it’s her first time out of the state. She’s nervous enough about her trip and leaving everything behind. I don’t want to stress her out by taking away her sleep.”
“Do you want me to come over?” he asks. “I could call a taxi.”
“No, don’t do that,” I reply, appreciating the gesture. “I shouldn’t have woken you up.”
“Don’t be silly. It’s my assignment too. If you’re up, I’m up too.”
