“I’m afraid of everything. What if I fail? What if we all die? What if I lose everything?”
Torin nods, his eyes beseeching mine. “Aye. That is a lot to be afraid of. But that’s a good thing. It means ye have something worth fighting for.”
I snort, loudly. “That means nothing if we all die..”
He grimaces and pats my thigh. “So ye ha’ no choice, then. Ye canna control what ye canna control. Might as well give it your best shot for the people ye love…for the people who matter. What do they fight for? Greed?” He scoffs. “Greed willna push ye to great lengths like the love you fight for.”
His words ring true, but there’s a distance in his eyes.
“That’s not all you want to say, is it?”
A small smile curves his lips and he turns to look at me. “Ha’ ye forgotten already how to control your emotions?”
A weary exhale escapes me.
“Mindfulness is nae just about feeling your emotions, but also about ye controlling them. Your feelings are something ye can control. They are reactions. But when ye lead, lead with proaction.”
The weight of all that responsibility pushes down on me.
“But what if I don’t want to lead?”
Torin cocks his head to the side, and I can feel his eyes upon me. “Then who would ye ha’ to take your place?”
Any of my friends would make a remarkable leader. Evander has always wanted to be captain of the guard, but being in charge of the entire kingdom would take him away from the position he’s worked his whole life for.
Tane is already struggling so much, the weight of this would crush him. Mathilda would be an excellent queen, but this extra responsibility would take her away from where her heart truly lies—Tane.
Luna—would be a nightmare. She would be great, yes. But too firm of a hand. And Mina, she’s already been through so much in her lifetime for me to saddle her with all of this.
Lachlan would no doubt do it if I asked. But what would hethink of me? If I bowed out of my birthright? He wouldn’t think less of me knowing him.
But I would know that I was a coward.
I shake my head. Accepting that there is no one else. I have to do this. “I was chosen.”
“That ye were,” he replies. “Now let’s see if we can get those feelings in check.”
Hours pass, the sun dips below the waves, and the moon takes its place in the sky.
My heart beats steadily, in line with water that rushes upon the shore. A calm mind. The thoughts no longer whiz by in an incoherent stream of doom.
Torin groans as he stands, wiping the sand off his linen trousers. He holds a hand out to me, and I take it, letting him pull me to my feet.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
Torin smiles, the corner of his eyes crinkling in the familiar way that Lachlan’s do. “It was my pleasure.”
We walk arm in arm back to the Great Hall.
“What will you do now?” I ask him, as we walk along the buildings that are still being rebuilt from the fires.
Lachlan has been helping with the rebuild in his free time. And I stop walking, staring at the newly rebuilt tavern in front of us. A builders mark is etched into the intricate carvings around its front stoop.
A lock and a key.
My breath stutters out of me at not only the craftsmanship, but of what his mark is.Us.
Torin’s voice pierces through my longing. “I was hoping ye could tell me. Things are settled back at the Hall. The horses are being seen after, the housekeeper comes once a week to keep it tidy. The estate is managed by the bankers that see to the bills getting paid, so I’d like to stay here.”
