The sound of lovers and families mourning their lost loved ones pierces the wall I’ve had in place around my heart. The fiery burn of rage melds with the acidic churning of grief. Bilerises in the back of my throat, and I swallow it down. Lachlan squeezes my hand once more, effusing some of his strength into mine, and letting me know I’m not alone.
But it’s not enough. Not even the familiar weight of my necklace can bring me out of this despair.
When I step closer to the water, I feel the weight of many stares settle onto the winged crown upon my head. My friends and people stand behind me while I gaze out into the vastness of the sea, feeling so small and hopeless. The stars are a glittering blanket above the still black water. A cool breeze tugs my unbound hair out of my face, and my leathers stave off its chill. Taking a deep breath, I count to four. Allowing the salty air to ease some of the burden off my shoulders.
But they’re waiting—for me.
If anyone knows how to survive loss, it’s me. My duty now lies in bringing my people through it and to the other side. Every moment has led me here, to this moment, as queen. And I will lead.
Turning back to the crowd, I take in the torches lit all along the bay. The flickering flames illuminate countless grief-stricken faces, spurring me to bring them comfort.
“We’re here to honor those we’ve lost. Let their souls know peace, and their hearts be forever carried in ours. They might be gone, but they will never be forgotten.” My voice carries over the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore.
Warriors carry the dead from the carts and place them into boats. Lachlan and Evander place Elowen in the one right beside me. Mathilda’s new training leathers squeak as she bends to place a wildflower bouquet in Elowen’s hands. Mina’s black skirt blends in with the sand. It twists around her ankles as she stands beside the boat, leaning over to fluff out Elowen’s hair.
They work in steady unison to ensure she looks her best for the sailing. Her strawberry-blonde locks are ethereal in the moonlight, and the red poppies in her hands are the prettiestshade of scarlet against her lavender gown. She looks like a maiden from a fairytale awaiting true love’s kiss. Not the warrior who sacrificed her life to save her home.
To save me.
“Elowen was a warrior and my friend. She fought bravely to save our realm, and her sacrifice will not be in vain.”
Lachlan and Tane wade into the bay. Saltwater splashes up their thighs, turning their boots and pants black. They tug Elowen’s boat behind them and farther into the water. Evander approaches me silently with a bow and arrow. He hands me both before grabbing a torch from a guard and lighting the arrowhead. It flares to life, illuminating my face and his.
“Go into the great unknown, the immortal land of all people. We will see each other again,” I breathe, reciting the words my mother spoke long ago about life after death. Lachlan and Tane give one last shove, thrusting her boat out past the tide and into the current. It tows her farther away. I draw the bow back, releasing my breath and letting the arrow fly. The ball of fire lights a perfect arc, a shooting star, before it plunges through the hull of the boat and erupts.
Again and again, I speak the words and shoot the flaming arrows.
Until there’s no one left.
In the distance, a glow of flame rests on the horizon. When the last boat disappears from sight, the sky erupts with ribbons of pink and green lights. The aurora borealis waves like a signal they’ve made it home.
I stand there a long while.
After everyone else has made their way back home, I sit on the beach scooping up sand in both of my hands and letting the grains trickle out of my palms. I feel Lachlan’s presence behind me. Ensuring I have my space, but that I’m not alone. Never alone.
This is the last moment I will be allowed to grieve. Bysunrise tomorrow I will have to lead, have to have a plan in place, and yet here I sit.
With nothing.
The table is bursting with eggs, pancakes, and bacon. It feels similar to how it was in Olundy. Yet it still seems cold here. Not like the home we created during our rebellion. I miss the roaring hearth, timber floors, and antique furniture. But we’ll have to make do at the Great Hall. I sit at the center of the table. A carved raven on the backrest presses into me as I lean back, observing my friends. Lachlan sits on my right, looking clean-shaven and well-rested today. Mathilda is on my left, her honey-blonde hair pulled up tight in her signature high pony as she casts her eyes across the table to Tane. Mina is squashed between him and Evander, looking content as she grins at the bacon in her hands.
“What’s the plan now?” Mathilda asks, pulling me out of my inspection.
“We have to make sure the training grounds get up and running, open forges in the capital, and figure out if Julius left anything useful behind.” I tick each item off my fingers. Threethings aren’t that much, but certainly feel like a lot. It presses down on me, reminding me of everything we failed to achieve thus far.
“So we’re staying here?” Mina asks, with slight hesitation. Her short hair is pulled back, highlighting the freckles across her nose.
I nod. “This is where my ruling seat is, and the bridge between worlds. We need to stay here to guard it and figure out if or how it was opened.” Although I don’t think they used our bridge to launch the invasion, and that was definitely not how Julius left.
Mina’s shoulders drop slightly. My tone was sharper than I intended it to be. The anger I’m harboring leaks into every facet of my being. Lachlan’s hand grazes the top of my knee, and I shoot him a look before sighing. It’s not their fault, and they’re undeserving of my temper.
“Sorry, I’m not trying to be tyrannical,” I mutter, looking down at my full plate.
Mathilda and Mina share a look before shaking their heads.
“It’s understandable. You’re under an immense amount of pressure,” Mathilda says gently, and nudges my plate closer to me. Her sky-blue eyes mirror nothing but kindness and understanding. My whole life, I had longed for friends and a home. Yet, here I am, lashing out at them. No more. I take a deep breath, counting to four, and letting the rage slip away.
I give her a grateful smile before taking a bite of a plump grape.
