And in that moment, I’m tempted. My restraint slips and I give in to my baser instincts. The yearning that I have felt towards him, like a thread that’s tied us together, pulls tighter.
I want to allow him everything and so much more.
But a flash of Mathilda holding Tane’s not-injured hand as tears stream down her face has me stiffening. Lachlan feels my body’s reaction and lets go immediately, stepping away from me.
His face twists with agony. “I’m so sorry I dinna mean?—”
“No. No—it’s not you,” I choke out. “I’m so sorry. I’m not trying to be hot and cold all the time. I just can’t. Not right now, not until I know that the world isn’t crumbling around us. And it’s so hard because I’ve wanted this, for so long, but then I feel like if I give into that right now—that selfishness—I’ll be letting everyone else down.”
Lachlan nods, but his eyes drop to the ground. I feel terrible. Guilt burrows itself deep into my bones. I tell him we can’t and then my actions say otherwise.
“It’s not that I don’t want to or that I don’t want you,” I whisper, wrapping my arms back around him. “I do. I promise.”
Lachlan runs his palms up my arms to my shoulders, where he squeezes them lightly.
“Ye do want me?” He cocks an eyebrow, and I realize his humor is back in place as he repeats my words from long ago in Olundy. I toss my head back and laugh.
“Of course I do.”
He grins fiendishly and pulls me against his chest while placing a kiss on the top of my head.
“Then that’s good enough for me.”
Lachlan heaves the stone door open to allow us entry into the cave while I tie the horses up to a tree right outside the entrance. He stoops to grab the torch in one hand and grips my hand in his other as he leads us into the large onyx cave.
“Woah,” he says, and his words echo into the emptiness.
“Let’s make sure the cave is entirely raven stone and then we’ll drag the crystal in here,” I say, taking a step more into the cave.
“Aye, take this,”—Lachlan rips the torch down the middle. The wood separates easily under his ministration and the single flame becomes two—“and go that way, I’ll go this way.”
Firmly gripping the torch, I walk the perimeter of the cave. Light reflects from all around me as the torchlight bounces from the floor, walls, and ceiling. In its entirety, it seems to be the mythical raven stone. Chips of it crunch underneath my booted foot, and I see carvings etched into the walls. Most in languages I don’t know.
“Do you have carvings on your side?” I ask across the cavernous room to Lachlan.
“Aye,” he chuckles.
“What do they say?”
“You dinna want to know?—”
“Is it a warning?” I ask, expecting the worst.
“Nae, more like poor jokes,” he laughs.
I see what looks like a dick carved into the wall. I roll my eyes.Men.Apparently, they stay the same throughout all of history. I keep my eyes on the wall as I make my way around.
A carving of what looks like a raven catches my attention and I stop, leaning closer to the stone. On closer examination, it appears to be a raven in flight, but if I turn my head at just the right angle, it changes into an image of a woman.
“Lach—come here.”
Boots crunch against the onyx chips as he makes his way to me.
“What is it?” He asks holding his torch closer to the wall.
I bend down, distracted by the raven stone that has been pulverized into sand, and collect a handful before dumping it into the leather pouch tied to my side. There wasn’t any of this in the capital when we had mined the stone for the sword.
Lachlan watches me as I grab a few more handfuls, but says nothing about my peculiar action. Standing, I brush the dust off my hand and face the wall again.
