She’s pale. More so than usual. Her eyes are wide, and her lips are pursed. She’s also shaking. I think she’s literally on the verge of a panic attack. Because of the park?
Mercy has made it clear on many occasions that exposing herself to other people stresses her out. It’s common for Little girls. We understand that. But her panic is more acute than most. It stems from body image issues. Totally unwarranted body image issues.
Even though Thabo just explained to her that there was nothing wrong with her, she’s unable to accept that.
We will be patient, and we won’t ignore her concerns. She owns her feelings. They deserve to be validated. However, in thisinstance, we’re going to have to insist she face the other Little girls at the park. It’s the only way we will be able to convince her that no one is going to judge her.
“I don’t want to go,” she sobs. “Please just take me home.”
My heart hurts for our Little girl. I hate forcing her to do this, but I know it’s for the best. Some tough love is sometimes necessary. “You need to face your fears, Baby girl.”
She shakes her head, sending her braids flying. Her sob turns into something bigger as she starts wailing. “No no no. Don’t want to.”
I glance at Kafran as she covers her face.
His brow is furrowed with the same level of concern I feel, but I know we have to be firm on this.
Mercy’s crying so hard she can’t catch her breath. Her face is pale instead of pinkened. She’s shaking violently. She’s really in a full-blown panic attack.
“No no no no no,” she keeps muttering in between sobs. Her eyes are wide, but she’s not seeing anything. She’s staring into space.
I reach out and unfasten the buckle at her waist so I can lift her out of the stroller. Standing, I snuggle her against my chest. If only she could see that she’s not large. She’s tiny compared to me and Kafran. She weighs nothing. She’s so perfect to us that it hurts for her to think otherwise.
Kafran pushes the stroller as I continue to walk toward the park.
Mercy wraps her legs around my waist and holds on tight, her body trembling as she continues to cry.
When we arrive, I sit on a bench a bit of distance from where the other Little girls currently at the park are playing. I rub her back and rock her gently. This has to be done, though it hurts me. I don’t like to see my Little girl upset like this, and I know Kafran doesn’t either.
We’ve let her burn off a lot of steam. It’s time to force her to calm down. I nod toward Kafran as he lifts one of her small hands from my neck and brings her fingers to his lips. She doesn’t fight him as he pierces every fingertip.
Eventually her body relaxes against me. “No fair,” she grumbles.
I chuckle as I pry her from the front of my body so I can settle her on my lap sideways.
Kafran opens the diaper bag tucked under the stroller and pulls out a wet cloth. He gently wipes her face. She’s still sniffling, and her eyes are bloodshot, but she’s no longer in a total panic.
“I don’t like that thing in my bottom,” she grumbles, as if she has a long list of grievances, and she’s planning to verbalize all of them.
I kiss the top of her head. “You’ll be glad we used it later when it’s time to take one of our cocks inside you, Baby girl.” I say all of that in a soft tone that doesn’t at all match the actual harsh words. Taking us in her bottom is definitely on the agenda, and I want to be sure she knows that.
She sniffles and squirms on my lap. “Don’t like it,” she repeats.
I hug her close and kiss her temple this time. “I’m going to carry you over to the sandbox now, Baby girl. I see three girls in there playing. I bet you’ll make friends with them in no time.”
“Don’t want friends,” she mutters.
“You’ll be grateful to have them one day, Little one,” Kafran adds. “You’ll get bored hanging around with no one to interact with but your old Papis. You’ll want play dates and trips to the park. Trust me.”
“I’ve been bored for years. I’m good at it,” she argues.
I smile. “But it will be so much nicer to have friends.”
When I stand, she clings to me again. At least she’s no longer screaming. I kiss her forehead as I carry her toward the sandbox.
Kafran takes her from me as we reach the three girls. It’s a smart move. It forces her to be exposed for a few seconds.
One of the Little girls with thin brown hair and big brown eyes gives me a shy wave as she glances from me to Kafran before settling her gaze on Mercy’s back. “Hi. You must be Mercy. I’m Janelle. We heard you had arrived. Do you want to play with us?”
