He was super fucking good at removing himself emotionally from basically any situation. That skill had never failed him, not through thick and definitely not through thin. He’d navigated half a dozen foster homes in childhood, most of which had been shitty, at best. He’d kept his composure bailing multiple teammates out over the years. He’d faced down guns before and knives before. Once, he’d gone toe to toe with a guy, his notorious fucking temper and a baseball bat.
He’d even survived the bullshit concussion situation, sanity basically intact.
Butthisscenario, a scenario in which Ramsey had felt he’d had at least ninety-seven percent control over, was apparently the one that was going to remind him that he was still human and could feel things.
A lot of fucking things, apparently.
Ramsey would also have to be a whole lot stupider to not realize exactly why that was.
Sure, it hadn’t been Nate being threatened, but he’d been directly involved, and the worst-case scenario hadn’t needed to happen for Ramsey to know exactly how terribly Nate would’ve reacted.
He was personally responsible for Atkinson, and he’dtakeit personally if anything had gone sideways.
But just because Ramseyknewwhy didn’t mean he had to like it.
Actually, he really fucking hated it.
The cab pulled up to Atkinson’s building. Nate turned to him. “Give me five? Then we can head back to my place?”
Ramsey nodded. He’d cleaned out his regular cash for the cab driver already, giving the emergency stash he kept on him at all times to the guy at the strip club, and it had been enough he probably wasn’t going to protest that they were going to idle here for a few minutes before making one final stop.
Eight minutes later, the cab door opened again, and Nate slid in.
Ramsey gave the driver Nate’s address and they pulled out in the late night Toronto traffic.
“He’s okay. Still shaky,” Nate said, before Ramsey could ask. “I was going to make him some hot tea. Load it up with sugar or honey, but of course he didn’t have any tea in the place So instead I made him a protein shake with lots of frozen fruit. Poured him into the shower. I offered to stay, but he brushed me off.”
Ramsey had already known that Jordan wouldn’t want Nate to stay. Wouldn’t want his mentor and his idol to witness him falling apart.
“He’s got to lick his wounds, so let him do that. He’ll come out of it better than when he went in.”
Nate still looked worried, so Ramsey put a hand on his knee. Squeezed.
He was still shaking inside. Worried, a little, that he might go back to shaking on theoutside. Then Nate would see and then he might know.
Ramsey had never shied away from any truths, no matter how uncomfortable, but his mind skittered away from what exactly Nate might know, even as his heart said,yes, this one.
Nate was quiet on the drive to his place, and Ramsey met his quiet, unsure what to say, and afraid he might say too much.
Not something he’d ever worried about.
But with Nate it was like he was figuring out how to be a person for the first time. He’d thought earlier that he hated it. But that wasn’t really true. He didn’t like feeling out of control or out of his depth, but he didn’t dislike the feelings.
How could he, when they filled him with so much unexpected warmth and sweetness?
They were halfway up the elevator ride to Nate’s condo when he finally turned to him. “Thanks for coming with me tonight. You were . . .” Nate trailed off. Ramsey let him lean more fully into him. Hoping that the way Nate wanted to finish the sentence was something likehelpfulornecessaryand notcontrollingorcold-blooded.
He could be, yes, and Ramsey had always seen it as a positive. But he didn’t wantNateto see him that way.
He wanted Nate to see the man inside.
“Yeah?” Ramsey said.
“God, I didn’t know what to do. And you handled him. You’re . . .well, you gotta know. You’re fucking amazing.” Nate glanced sideways at him after he typed in his door code. “You do know that, right?”
“Yes,” Ramsey said, because what else was there to say? There’d always been something that had set him apart from anyone else. Made the distance between him and others feel insurmountable, but he didn’t want that between him and Nate.
He’dneverwanted that between him and Nate.
