“Jaxon…” she draws out, sounding defeated, then drops onto the mattress, her hands flopping in her lap. I crouch in front of her, lifting her chin with my forefinger.
I wish I could read her thoughts right about now.
“I know you didn’t sign up for this…” she cuts out, her chin wobblingagain. Those eyes fillingagain.Damn it.
“What are you saying?”
“I’ll understand…”
“Wait, what?” I run my fingers across my lips in disbelief. “What part of you thinks I’m not fully in this? What part of you thinks I’d tap out?”
“You want us?”
In less than six months, my entire world and viewpoint on what I thought it would be has been completely wiped clean and rebuilt, solely because of her. I sigh deeply, knowing I’m going to bare my soul to her so raw that if she wants to, she could destroy me with a simple no. After tonight, seeing what I truly have to lose if I don’t reach out and grab this with both hands and take off running, I can’t live with that option. Spreading her thighs to make room for me and pulling her close by the hips, I drop onto my knees as I rest my forehead to her belly, full of wonder and a love I never imagined for myself, knowing that a little person–a part of me–grows deep within her. I won’t let a minute of that go by without me.
“Everything became crystal clear for me tonight. Even more than I already knew I wanted for me and you.”
I look up at her, watching as Holly’s expressions war with all that has happened tonight, and catch a flicker of hope she’s too nervous to fully accept as true.
“I know it’s all moving fast, but look at your friends. Would a single one of them tell you that the risk isn’t worth it? Would they tell you to take more time, even if your gut is screaming this is right? Up here?” I tap my temple. “You are already mine. In all the ways that count, I’ve already given you my forever. And this?” I cup her wobbly chin and stretch to kiss those perfect lips and taste the salt of her tears. “This is as real as it gets. And this?” I smooth my other hand across her lowerabdomen, then bend to press my lips to an even better version of my dream before looking up to her again. “This seals the deal.” Holly’s breath stutters from her chest as hope now blooms on her face. She’s hearing me.
“You. This baby. I will always choose you. Even more babies, if you want. Three am feeds, even if I have to work at the crack of dawn. Oh, wait, that’s already taken care of.” She chuckles and pulls me close. There’s my girl. I grasp her cheeks with both hands, swiping away the tear tracks with my thumbs. “Forever, Holly. I want this. I want us. I want today, and I want all of your tomorrows too.” She lets out a little whimper, a mix of disbelief and utter joy.
“I want the both of you. That’s never going to change. What do you say?”
I swallow hard, knowing there’s still a chance she’ll say no, that it’s too much too soon, that we need to talk more, or that none of this was in her plan, but I refuse to let that take root as my eyes bounce hopefully back and forth between her glistening, golden brown ones. Putting my future completely in someone else’s hands is utterly terrifying.
Another shaky breath leaves her lungs.
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
Shit.I should’ve done this in a completely different setting. I gulp and nod.
She opens her mouth, and I panic.
“Don’t answer now. Think about it. I’m going to do this again right. Not tonight. Not like this. Damn, Hol, I’m sorry. Emotions got me all twisted up.”
Her eyes flare, and I realize I’m digging a hole.
“No, no, no, I’m not taking it back. I meant every word. You just deserve more. You deserve the ring and the intimate moment, flowers,dangit,everything. Not me here on my knees with who knows what on my clothes in the aftermath of anemergency. And you’re going to get it.” A glimmer of a smile plays at the corner of her lips as I ramble. Damn, grand rounds in front of hundreds of my peers have nothing on this. I think I might puke.
“I love you.” Her small words split me wide open. I fist her shirt and pull her close to me, breathing in her calming scent as I pour myself into the kiss, then rest my forehead to hers.
"I love you too, Sweetheart.”
???
Holly
That man–whether in linen closets or quiet hospital rooms–is a wild concoction of dangerous drugs I’m more than willing to take a chance on. By the time our bedsheets get reacquainted with our skin, Jaxon realizes he has a whole hour to sleep before he has to get ready and head back to the hospital in time for his nine am appointment. He mumbles something about it being practice and falls asleep in record time.
I lay there, watching his eyelids flutter and listening to his relaxed breathing, unable to sleep yet. I already called my boss and left a message that there was a family emergency and that I’m needed elsewhere today. Sydney’s going to need every ounce of support she can get over these next few weeks as they all adjust. I know that she’ll be devastated that they took her uterus, but I also know that the other outcome was not up for debate.
My eyes grow heavy, and I swear I haven’t been asleep but a few minutes before Jaxon’s alarm is going off. I start tostretch, but he nuzzles into my neck and squeezes me tightly like he doesn’t want to let go.
“Sleep a bit longer. They don’t need you back right away. I’ll text you later.”
He kisses my cheek and crawls out of bed. I hear him shuffle around the bathroom and the bedroom as I totally drift back off. I wake around nine-thirty to my bladder screaming at me for relief. If I don’t get up now, I will be struggle-bussing for the rest of the day and have to wash these sheets. Hustling to the toilet in my half-awake state, I stare at the wall blankly, trying to get my shit together. It’s not working. My brain is officially fried after the last twelve-ish hours. As I let the shower warm up and I’m washing my hands, I notice a pink sticky note lying under the positive pregnancy test.
