Brynleigh: Because it’s blatantly obvious that the guy is so into you.
Me: I don’t know if I can trust him.
Brynleigh: Let him at least try to prove it to you. I kind of like him for you. He’s a way better choice than the last 3 guys you swiped yes on.
Me: I’ll consider it. Gonna get some me time in before bed. Can’t decide on a book or show. Night, love ya!
Brynleigh: I’d pick a book if it were me. Night girl *heart emoji
A book does sound better right now. There is a cowboy romance, a sappy romance, eh yuck… Nope. Definitely not in the mood for that. Then there’s thewhy choose romantasyI recently started… The gorgeous purple book on my nightstand wins. I pick upThe Never Listby Jade Presley and decide awhy choose romantasyfits the bill. Give me fun fantasy and spicy book boyfriends with shadow daddy vibes and filthy mouths any day. Hands down, it’ll be the winner.
Around midnight, I’m closing the pages and wishing shadow daddies truly existed. I’m about to roll over in bed when my phone vibrates. Who the hell is texting me this late on a work night?
Unknown: I ran into your parents tonight. They said you moved! When did you move?
A sinking feeling of who is on the other end of the text drops low in my belly like a bag of bricks. I haven’t heard a peep from him in over a year.
Me: Why do you still have my number?
Unknown: Oh don’t be like that Holly.
Me: I haven’t heard from you in over a year.
Unknown: Yeah, I’m sorry about that.
I’m not…
Me: I moved over a year ago.
Unknown: Shit. I can’t believe I didn’t know.
Me: What would it matter if you had?
Unknown: …
Unknown: So where are you now? They didn’t say.
Me: I’m in Maine, and I have work in the morning, so I need to get to bed.
Unknown: Are we ever going to be friends again?
Me: We were never friends. You made your choice. Now I have to get to bed. I’d prefer if you’d lose my number, Michael.
Unknown: Ouch.
Me: No, you don’t get to do that. I’m being direct and telling you what I want instead of wasting your time. It’s called being an adult. Goodnight.
I turn off my phone and flip on my alarm so that I’m not even tempted to look at my phone again. What a freaking time for him to text me. It did feel good to tell him off though.
Minutes after my eyes close, I see jade. I imagine his eyes boring into mine seconds before his soft lips crushed against mine. His soft chuckle whispered against my lips when his fingertips caused goosebumps to skitter across my skin, much like my skin reacted to his touch on my arm again tonight.
I can’t deny it. I still want him. The question that burns in my mind, playing on repeat, is: Can I trust him? Out of the few men I’ve dated or contemplated dating since Michael, he’s the only one I fear will destroy me, and I can’t go back there again. I don’t want any more regrets. I don’t want any more time wasted not knowing if I’m a priority. After seeing what my friends have, I’ll never settle for anything less. I deserve more.
???
Jaxon
For the rest of the week, I sort through things at home and donate a ton. Next Saturday, I’ll be in a new place, and I am psyched. I want to take the least amount of crap with me. Good thing I’ve spent the better part of a decade in hospitals, so therewasn’t a whole lot of time for accumulating ‘stuff’ outside of medical journals and textbooks. I had some PTO saved up, so my last shift in the ER was my last shift for the next month. My spot at Kittery starts around the end of May. It’s absolutely bizarre to imagine that I now have my evenings and weekends to myself. That is, unless I decide to pick up an ER shift, which I totally will do on occasion. The point is, my life is mine once again. I pull out my phone.
