How had I been so foolish not to see it from the beginning? His hair had seemed a shade darker, but I had first seen him in the fall after he had likely spent time outside through the summer. He wore it shorter now was all. And while he was perhaps leaner from his time recovering from his injuries, there was no doubt now in my mind that it was him.
I had held his hand and did not even know it. And even more remarkable, I had fallen in love with the same man twice.
“Estelle?” Reginald repeated.
“Hmm?”
“Are you ill? You are white as a ghost.”
“Not ill, no.”
“Then what? Your mumbling is worrying me.”
“I am prone to mumbling, or have you forgotten?” I snapped. Contrition quickly followed. I had been quite the trial to Reginald, and I was not going to win any battles by arguing. “Forgive me. I have unfinished business at Rosemont, and I need to return. Please, Reggie. Someone might get hurt. Will you not consider my desires?”
“You are engaged, Estelle. We both have obligations at home. You cannot keep running from them.”
He thought I was making excuses. “Reginald Lowry, you have to listen to me!”
“I want to listen, but I cannot condone your disregard for decency. You are a lady, not a governess!” I had rarely seen Reginald this upset, but he had to see reason.
“This is important!” I cried.
“For heaven’s sake, Estelle,” he snapped. “I have searched relentlessly for you since last fall. I could hardly sleep at night with worry. I am exhausted beyond description. Do you want to know what is important to me? Finding you was important to me. Now bringing you home is important. Keeping you safe is important. And especially protecting your reputation is important.”
I stared at his eyes wild with caged emotion, unable to speak.
He shook his head, his voice spent. “Try to understand for one moment how I feel right now.”
I bit back my pleadings and turned my body away from him. What was I to do if I could not turn the carriage around and warn Atlas? He was convinced he could trust Mr. Briggs. But Reginald was at a breaking point himself, and it was my fault.
Very well. If I could not go to Atlas, I would write to him. When we reached the train station, I would send word back to him and pray it was not too late.
Chapter 35
Atlas
Upon my arrival, I handed Barnes my sopping wet coat and hat. I was told Mr. Briggs was waiting for me in my study, and a tea service had already been delivered to him. Relief coursed through me. I wanted a hot bath and a change of clothes, but I desired to speak with him even more.
After some solid advice, I would be able to see my life more clearly. Briggs would be honest. He always was. Then, God willing, I could plan my future—preferably one with Estelle.
On my walk to my study, I was tempted to stop by the library first. Would Estelle race to greet me? Or would she be fretting about me and hold back? I shook away my nonsensical thoughts. I had to make peace with my past before I could see her.
Pushing open my study door, I found Briggs in his seat, sitting as rigid as a man could sit. The tea service sat untouched before him.
I set my hand on his shoulder as he attempted to stand. “No need for that, Briggs.” When would this man learn that he could relax in my presence? “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”
Briggs dipped his head into a deep nod. “After I received your letter, I took the first train I could get. What seems to be the problem?” The outer corner of his eye twitched, and he reached up to still the pulsing skin.
“Not getting enough sleep with the twins, I see?”
“It is to be expected. What is troubling you?”
“I want to get married, but I would like your advice first. It is an unexpected development.”
“Let me congratulate you. As you know, you are a wealthy man,” Mr. Briggs said. “I do not see why you need my counsel. As for the marriage papers, I can have those drawn up for you straightaway.”
“No marriage papers—not yet. There is a different matter that I wish to speak to you about first.”
