As they drove through the semi-busy quarter of Arehjia that had become his entire life in the past three years, a part of Saint wondered just what the fuck he was doing. But the louder part, the part that had made the decision in the first place, was screaming with joy and elation. He clutched his stomach,swallowing repeatedly because it felt like he was ten seconds from emptying it all over the back seat.
He was going to meet Teresa—his best friend; his sister from another mister; his platonic soulmate—for the first time. He didn’t know if he should scream or pass out; anything to get rid of the nerves that fizzed and bubbled like soda in his stomach.
Knight did something with his hand, twisting it through the air, making Saint give him a questioning look.
“I just made our conversation private,” he explained, dropping his hand. For some reason, Saint found himself missing the bright, unnatural red glow of Knight’s demon eyes. Not that he was complaining about how dark and intense his human eyes were. “I wanted to ask, what is the etiquette where we’re going? How would you like me to behave in front of the other humans? I can tell this means a lot to you, and I don’t want to potentially ruin this night for you.”
“Oh.” Saint’s heart swelled about ten sizes. He was filled with an almost overwhelming urge to climb into Knight’s lap right then; to kiss him until all his gloss melted away into the meeting of their mouths.
His first instinct was to lie, to tell Knight itwasn’treally a big deal; it was just a party. He wanted to lie that he just wanted Knight there as a friend, as emotional support, but no.No.
If he was going to this party, if he was going to be free, then he had to befree.
He twisted around until he was looking properly at Knight, suddenly needing to say this like he needed air to breathe. Teresa might hazard a guess as to why Saint has been so hesitant to accept her invitations, but she didn’t know the full truth. How could she, when Saint had refused to admit it even to himself?
“All my life, I feel like I’ve been living in a cage,” he began in a rush, his voice a barely-there whisper. His eyes dropped to his hands, unable to say this while Knight was looking at himso intently. “And even though I thought I broke free from my metaphorical shackles, I’ve still been denying myself. I’ve still been afraid.”
He looked up again. “Just for tonight, I want to pretend my past never happened, that I’m not afraid at all. I want tolive. I want to dance and get drunk and pretend to be someone else, someone I feel like I could be. And I want you to—” There he stopped, his throat thick with something that felt like shame.
Knight reached out, slowly enough that Saint could pull away if he wanted to. He didn’t. He took Saint’s hand in his, squeezing gently.
“Tell me,” he said softly.
Saint swallowed. “I want—just for tonight ... I want the Knight of my dreams.” Knight’s grip on his hand tightened. Saint forced himself to continue, ignoring the heat in his cheeks, “I-I’m not talking about sex or anything romantic. I just want the Knight who sees me like the person he saw in our dreams; the person who was free and bold and unashamed.”
“Saint,” he said, waiting until Saint met his eyes. “Youareall those things. I know it’s different for humans, that there’s a disconnect between dreams and reality, but the you in your dreamscape and the you here right now; both are just as real to me.”
Oh God. If Saint wasn’t careful, he was going to find himself falling in love with a demon.
“Thank you.”
Knight squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I know. And I’m not thanking you just for saying that. It’s for, you know, doing this. You really don’t have to. I hope I’m not forcing you or—?”
“You’re not. I want to do this. Not just for you, but for me, too.” His lips quirked. “You’re not the only one who’s trying not to be afraid, you know,” he admitted quietly.
“Really?” Saint breathed.
“Why does that surprise you?”
Saint laughed, ducking his head. “I don’t know. You just seem so … carefree.”
Knight hesitated. It was Saint’s turn to squeeze his hand, to whisper as he stared into Knight’s eyes, “Tell me.”
“It’s a persona,” he admitted. “I haven’t felt carefree in a long time. Maybe not at all. Just like you, most of my life, I’ve also been living in a cage. Except, for me, it wasn’t metaphorical. And when I did finally break free, when I finally found community, I still didn’t feel bold enough to even contemplatewhat kind of demon I wanted to be or what kind of life I wanted to live.” His eyes darkened. “But, for tonight, I can at least be the demon of your dreams.”
Oh, Saint wanted so badly to kiss him. He settled for squeezing Knight’s hand again instead. He wanted to ask more questions about what Knight meant about living in an actual cage, but he knew now wasn’t the time.
“Well then,” he said, lips stretching into a grin, his heartbeat tripping when Knight matched his smile. “Seems like, at least for tonight, we’re going to be the Saint and Knight we wish to be.”
They sat in a comfortable silence the entire taxi ride, their hands joined between them. Every time Saint’s thumb stroked against his knuckles, Knight felt an odd sensation underneath his ribs, like his heart and lungs were too big for his chest.
The car left Saint’s neighbourhood, seemed to pass through the heart of a city, and then they were clearly on the fringes of it, on a highway that possibly led to other cities, where the houseswere sparse, and the roads were nearly empty. They turned off the highway to a dirt track, driving through a forest, then a thinner copse of trees until they came upon a two-storey house. Like most Nigerian homes, as Knight had come to notice, this house was bordered by an eight-foot-high fence, with a locked black gate in front.
He and Saint exited the cab. Saint paid the driver, then brought out his phone to send a quick message. Even from here, Knight could hear the music, the yelling and the laughter. He smelled food and other interesting things in the air.
The scent of Saint’s nervousness had tripled the closer they’d gotten to their destination and seemed to have reached a crescendo now that they’d arrived.
