“Yes, baby?”
“I wanna be here for you, and I wanna be the one you lean on. I need you to tell me how you feel right when you feel it. Don’t sit on your feelings because you think you can handle it all on your own. You’ve shown everybody how strong you are by getting through all this shit. I don’t need you to be strong. Never have. Fall to pieces into my arms if you have to. I’ll be right here to put you back together again.”
I’d been keeping it together for the most part. I always avoided sitting in my emotions because I never felt like it was productive. I always had to keep moving and find the next thing to busy myself just so I could be numb to the pain. Ahkeem was making sure I went through it instead of avoiding it so the pain of the miscarriage wouldn’t haunt me later. He was my safe space. He never judged; he always comforted me and knew exactly what to say.
“I love you, Ahk.”
“I love you too, Lovey.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
AHKEEM
Witnessingmy wife go through all her emotions further proved why I loved her the way I did. I never saw her as vulnerable as she was while she recovered and went through the ups and downs of our miscarriage. Unlike what I expected, Jazzlyn actually took her time with everything. Some days, she was happy and ready to take on the world. Other days, all she wanted to do was lay in bed and cry.
I never pressured her to do one more than the other. Hell… sometimes I even joined her. When she finally did shake back, I wanted to be certain that she was 100 percent back, not just coping to appease everyone else’s expectations of her.
“Come on! Last set!” I encouraged her with a smack to her ass.
We were in the gym putting in work. She had eased back into working out. Then one day, something just flipped, and she went into beast mode and was hitting the gym twice a day instead of her usual three times a week. I wasn’t about to let her leave me in the dust, so I stepped my shit up too. I knew she was working out to cope, and honestly, I wasn’t mad at it. The shit was better than trying to drink or smoke the pain away.
“Fuck you, Ahkeem,” she gritted as she did her last set of weighted bar squats.
Once she closed the set, I placed the weight back on the bar for her. “I love you too, Lovey.”
I passed her a water bottle, and she chugged it down just like I did. Both of us were beat after working out for two hours. I took a seat on the weight bench, and she followed up by sitting directly in my lap.
“You comfortable?”
She nodded proudly. “My favorite spot.”
I kissed her cheek before wrapping my arms around her. “I love you, sweaty and smelly.”
“I am not smelly!”
“Ripe like an onion.”
“Ahkeem!” she whined before sniffing her armpits.
“I’m bullshitting you.” I stopped her from getting up from my lap. “How you feeling?”
She shrugged. “Better. Taking it day by day. How are you feeling?”
“Like I gotta keep my eyes on you around the clock. Shit kinda hard to let you move how you wanna move. I know you itching to get back out there, but shit don’t feel right.”
Since returning from the hospital, Jazzy hadn’t gotten out much, and that was honestly my doing. Whatever she asked for, I made it come straight to the penthouse. Her hair stylist, her nail tech, and her lash artist rolled through the crib a few days ago and gave her the pick-me-up she needed. I even had the jeweler slide through to get her a new wedding ring and chain to replace the ones them motherfuckas’ took from her. Whatever she craved, I had Talia cheffing it up in the kitchen, and I even encouraged her to do some online shopping. Truth was, I wanted to wrap her ass up in bubble wrap and never let her out myfucking sight. She hadn’t complained about feeling like I was suffocating her yet, but I knew that shit would be coming soon.
“I’m getting better, Ahk. My stitches are starting to dissolve.” She pointed to the stitched-up cut on her forehead. My baby ain’t play about her face, so she had been worried about it since Seven did her stitches.
“It is looking good. What about the baby, though, Lovey?”
Her eyes lowered down to her hands. She took a moment to deliberate with herself in her mind before she shrugged her shoulders. “Physically, my body feels normal. Mentally, I keep thinking about the what ifs. You know?”
“I feel you. I think about that shit too. We finally got on the same page, and shit went left.” I shook my head. “I don’t want you thinking we gotta jump back into trying. Whatever you wanna do, I’m cool. I just want you happy.”
She wrapped her arms around me before pecking my lips. “When I’m ready, I’ll let you know, Pa. I promise.”
“Take however long you need.”
