“It hurts so b-bad!” I cried.
Instantly, his older brother instincts kicked in. He freed himself of his coat and made his way over to sit at the side of the bed. “What hurts, Jaz?”
In too much pain to go into detail, I weakly pointed to the small bag I got from the clinic. They bagged up my pills in a nice little goodie bag, fooling me like this shit would have been easy. He reached for the bag before dumping the contents into his lap.
“Abortion? Jazzy, you fucking pregnant? What the fuck? We gotta call Ahk,” he rattled out all in one breath, on the verge of panicking.
It reminded me of how he was when Britain went into labor with Genesis. My brother, the most calm, cool, and collected person I knew, damn near had a nervous fucking breakdown while his wife was in labor. Seeing me in pain and coming to terms with all the details of what was really going on had his head spinning.
“No!” I clamored out as a wave of pain washed over me. “I didn’t tell him. PJ, please.”
His brows bumped together as he tried his best to make sense of what I was telling him. Based off the look on his face, I could tell he was conflicted about what he should do. On one hand, he knew there was no one else I wanted to hold and comfort me more than Ahkeem, while on the other hand, he knew I only called him because he was the only person I trusted to see me like this and keep this big of a secret from getting out.
“Fuck, Jazzlyn,” he stressed while running his hand down his face. For the rest of the night, I laid my head on his lap justlike I used to when I was younger, and he sat there comforting me through the pain. It wasn’t much he could do besides just be present. This was something nobody should’ve faced alone. I was a fool for thinking I would get through it by myself and be back to acting like nothing happened after a day or two.
During the early afternoon the next day, the pain turned mild and bearable. I was able to get out bed with the help of Priest and got myself cleaned up. After my shower, we sat across each other in my living room. I was sipping on the soup he Doordashed while he kept his eyes glued on me.
“What?” I finally asked before sipping the soup again. It was the first thing I ate in 24 hours, so it was working wonders for me.
He leaned up in his seat. “Why? You know you ain’t have to do that shit, right?” Priest was trying his best not to judge; however, he was. He went from not wanting children due to his fear to absolutely adoring his son. Kids were a blessing, so he just wanted to know the reason behind my decision.
“I’m not ready. I can’t be a mother right now. I’m still figuring out life.”
“But you are so good with Saphir, and you’re a great aunt to Genesis and J’Ream.”
I sat the soup down before letting out a heavy sigh. “They aren’t mine. I don’t know if I have it in me to dedicate my entire life to a child right now. It may be selfish, but I’d rather do this than be a half-ass mother like ours to a child who didn’t ask to be here. Everything is done. There’s no going back from what I just did.”
“When you gonna tell him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but I will eventually.”
I never did tell Ahkeem what happened while he was on his business trip to Italy. He came back, and by then, the bleeding had lightened up to a regular flow of a period, and the pain wasmanageable with over-the-counter meds. I was a lot moodier as my body underwent all the changes from being pregnant one second to no longer being pregnant. I just picked little arguments with him so it would look like I had a reason to be walking around with an attitude.
I got on birth control and lied to him that my doctor suggested it would help with my newfound menstrual cramps I conveniently started complaining about. He never suspected a thing. I left him in the dark about terminating our child that I didn’t even have the decency to tell him about. The more I thought about it, the more guilt weighed on me. Would Ahk ever forgive me for this?
He thrived at being a father to Saphir, and I knew it would’ve been no different with our baby had I kept it. I took that away from him, and I felt horrible. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t realize I was in tears until they streamed down the sides of my face.
I had to tell my husband… soon.
Chapter Six
AHKEEM
“Niggas wanna fuckingplay on my top like I won’t turn the whole fucking city red behind this shit!” I slammed my hand into the steering wheel of my car. I never got to the Bronx as fast as I did tonight. Once Jersey hit me with the news of our trap getting flipped, I broke every traffic rule there was to get back into the city.
I parked my car in the cut, watching as first responders and police swarmed the trap and rolled out body bags filled with my men. We kept a low profile, so whoever Silas got to spin on us had to have been watching us for a while to even peep game. I tried my hand at being peaceful for the sake of keeping this shit contained, but this was two hits all in the span of a week and a half. First, they dropped Ny, and now they were kicking down the door to my fucking trap? This laid-back shit I had been kicking must’ve really gotten to niggas’ heads.
They really forgot who the fuck I was and how quick I would take it to hell if I felt provoked. I hit the locks to my whip as I saw Jersey pull up behind me. He wasted no time getting into my car to watch as the authorities locked the block down and DEA pulled up.
I knew for a fact that Silas had his crew wipe what they could find out of the trap. Wasn’t no nigga in their right mind airing out a spot without leaving out with something, especially when I was touching top of the line shit from Italy and Columbia. “This shit ends tonight. This nigga testing me, yo.” I slammed my fist into my hand.
“I got the drop on one of their spots. What’s the word?”
“We make them niggas pay. That’s my fucking people they rolling out in body bags. Everybody getting fucking touched.”
Jersey and I dapped up before he left my car and got back into his. We pulled off and headed to our warehouse out in Queens. There, already waiting with their fingers itching to squeeze a trigger, was Javi, Moe and Diamond.
Before Priest and the guys blessed me with their empire, Priest and I had a talk. He made it clear that where I was headed, I couldn’t take everyone with me because there wasn’t enough space at the top. I cut a lot of niggas off, and they claimed I switched up, but really, they just didn’t fit the vision.
