Truth be told, around the age of fourteen, my father was seconds away from sending me off to a doctor to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I refused to let go off Sofia, even years later. I still held on to the thought of us together, still dreamed of seeing her again.
Eventually I had to give her up though. Not voluntarily, but I had to. It was better for me.
Whatever Sofia had planted inside of my brain when we were kids, it made sure to fuck with me. I barely even wanted to spend time with people outside of school or hockey practice. Especially girls.
I wasn’t interested in girls because there was only one that I was interested in. The same one that was living across the ocean and hadn’t talked to me in years.
And now that I finally let go of the thought of us, she’s here. She is here to fuck with my brain all over again.
But I won’t let this happen. She’s just here for a couple of months and then she’ll be back in Germany. She’ll go back to her friends, her family. We will be apart once again.
Digging up feelings that I know will be there if I look hard enough won’t do me any good. Hell, I don’t even have to search for said feelings, they’ll be there on a fucking shrine I built.
Talk about obsessions; she’s mine. Has always been and I doubt I’ll ever stop obsessing over her.
That might not be very healthy but it’s not like I would ever try to force Sofia into my life or keep mine on hold. Well, I no longer keep mine on hold for her.
“Please, let me drive you home, Sofia.” I know she doesn’t have a car here. I mean, she barely found a place to stay, and I doubt her aunt lets her borrow the only car she has to get to school or anywhere, really. Which means Sofia is most likely using public transport.
Using public transport isn’t a bad thing. Not at all. But she’s here because I asked her to be, so driving her home is the least I could do.
“I wanted to pay my mother a visit. Since you live next to her, it’s more than convenient.” Like I ever planned on visiting that godawful thing of a human being. Guess I am now.
Sofia looks away from me, her head tilting up to the sky as she lets out a sigh. “Alright, but only because you’re heading there anyway.”I wasn’t.
I gesture toward my car, refraining from commenting anything, just in case that would make her run away.
Only when we’re in my car, doors locked with no way for Sofia to escape can I talk to her about the necklace.
So when we’re both seated and, on the road, I carefully ease intotheconversation. “You’re still wearing the necklace.”Or not so careful after all.
“I always wear a necklace,” she says. “I was studying, forgot the time and had to rush out the door. It was the only one I could find.”
“Ah, yeah. I, too, would rather wear a necklace with a Lego pendant than not wear one for a couple of hours.” She might be able to fool other people with that excuse, but not me.
One wouldn’t just choose to wear a necklace that used to have a great meaning to two people, right? Plus, we have to take in consideration that Sofia’s belongings are in Germany. She chose to take the necklace with her to the U.S.
I mean, I keep mine around as well. I have it at home in my nightstand, waiting to be worn again. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The meaning behind the necklace, the value it has… it’s nothing I would wear again just for the sake of wearing a necklace.
“What does it even matter, Aaron?” she asks, not bothering to even look at me. I couldn’t look back at her as I have to keep my eyes on the road, but she could at leasttryto show some interest in me. “It’s a necklace.”
“A necklace I gave you.”
“I’ve received multiple necklaces as presents over the years, it’s not that big of a deal.”
But it is. “Yeah? And did everyone else promise you to come after you once they’re old enough? Did everyone else promise they’d you’d be the only one for them when they gave you their present?”
“You were eight. You barely knew what the words you said meant.”
Perhaps she’s right. Still, they meant something to me.
15
Sofia
“but I got you this rose / and I need to know / will you let it die or let it grow?”—Roses by Shawn Mendes
Aaron and I don’t speak forthe rest drive over to Wesley Hills after my comment.
