Chapter 1
“what if I flipped our whole world upside down?”—Kesi – Remix by Camilo, Shawn Mendes
June 2022
He reached a hand into my pants, feeling my wet—
Nope.
I press the off button on my phone and look up toward the sea, wondering what the fuck I’ve just read.
It’s dark outside and I haven’t even noticed. My first day back in Malibu and I have fucked up already, just great.
My father celebrates his fiftieth birthday in a few days, hence why I am here. If I missed my father’s birthday, he’d loathe me even more than he does now, though I guess missing our family dinner isn’t any better.
To be honest, I think he’d be happier if I didn’t show upat all.
I do love El Matador Beach though, so at least there’s that. It’s the only reason being here is bearable, and my sister’s presence. Even as a kid I used to sneak out to the beach and just lay on the sand, watch the waves as they reached the shore, listen to the sounds, and tune out the world. Nothing would’ve happened to me unless I decided to get in the water, so my parents never cared much about me being out here. Even late at night, nothing would’ve happened. We have a private beach that came with the house.
Now that I am older, I no longer hang around our private beach. In fact, I am anywherebutin sight of our house.
As much as I love my family, I’d rather not be around them too long which is exactly why I amsoglad I can leave and go back to New York in a month. Back to my friends. Back to the people who accept me for who I am. And back to playing ice hockey.
“Why’d you turn off your phone? It was just getting interesting.” A deep voice speaks from right behind me. I flinch at the sudden appearance, but quickly shake off the shock before I lean my neck back to look up, finding a curly headed guy stare down at me.
“Do you always look at strangers’ phones?”
The guy walks around me, taking a seat on the sand beside me. “Only those who I believe look lonely and could use a friend.”
I huff unfazed. I’ve been called my fair share of words in my life before. Reaching from racist insults to homophobic slurs, anything but something that isn’t an attack againstmein general. Well, I guess insults are supposed to attack, but there’s a difference betweeninsultsand being a racist and homophobic asshole. But my point is, I’ve been calledmanythings before, none of those words werelonely.
I am not lonely, per se. I havethreebest friends, very great ones, too. One of whom I would give my life for if it saved his. And his daughter is pretty adorable as well, so that’s his bonus. With those three guys in my life, there’s notonesingle second I could ever feel lonely because there’s always something happening.
In New York City.
Now that I am back in Malibu, back where I’ve got no one but my sister to talk to, perhaps curly head is right. I am lonely.
But that doesn’t give him the right to look at my phone without my permission. Who even does that?
“I’m Luan,” he says and holds out his hand for me to shake. I don’t take it. “Okayyyy.” He pulls back his hand slowly, awkwardly, yet still keeps a grin on his face. “So, are you from around here?”
“No.” Technically, I am. I grew up here, but I don’t live here anymore, so that’s a no, right?
“You’re on vacation then?” I nod. “Alone?”
“No.”
Miles, my number one best friend, will be in Malibu next week. It’s just for a few days and only because Emory—his wife—wants to see the beach art gallery but a win is a win. He’ll fill in at least three days of my life without me having to exchange a single word with my family. I seriously can’t wait for all three of them to show up here.
They won’t stay with me, but as soon as they get a hotel room, I might just stay there with them. I’d do anything to get away from my father, even spend a few nights in a hotel room together with my best friend, his wife, and his daughter.
“So, why are you alone by the beach then?” Luan asks. I internally roll my eyes. “At night.”
I don’t have a problem with people, but I do like them to keep their distance from me. Eighteen-year-old Grey was different to twenty-one—almost twenty-two—year-old me. At the age of eighteen, I loved meeting people. I was more open to meeting them, hence why I somehow found three idiotic best friends. Now, I’m happy to stay as far away from everyone as humanly possible. That excludes Miles, Aaron, and Colin though.
People are cruel and I’d rather not go through more heartbreaks.
Once upon a time, I lovedLove. It was a time where I used to jumpheartfirst and not care about how deep I was falling.
