My head leans against the free mattress space on one side of my boyfriend while I hold his hand. I can’t look at Grey because every time I take in those machines he’s hooked on, it brings back flashbacks I don’t want.
They’re mostly me sitting by mydeadbest friend’s hospital bed while I wait until the OR is ready and doctors would come in to steal all of his organs to give them to other kids who needed them.
So every time I look up and see that stupid ventilator Grey’s hooked on to, I can’t help but think some doctor is about to march in here and tell me it’s time to say goodbye because they’re now taking his organs out.
I already lost my best friend this way, I can’t lose the love of my life like this as well.
I press my lips to Grey’s hand. “Please come back to me,” I beg, even though I’m not sure he can hear me.
I wait for a reaction that doesn’t come, a reaction I don’t think will come any time soon either.
Chapter 1
“but nothing ever stops you leaving”—when the party’s over by Billie Eilish
January 2027
“Honey, you shouldgo home and take a shower.” My mother covers me up with a blanket.
“No, I’m good.” This hospital is a little over an hour away from where Iusedto live, there’s no way I’d get into a car to go ‘home’ just to take a stupid shower. Anything could happen in an hour. Besides, I’d be gone for more than an hour because I’d have to drive back to my parents’ or my old house first, take a lightning-speed shower, and drive another hour back here. Nope. Not going to happen.
“Then at least take one here. It’s been a week, honey, and excuse me for saying this, but you taking a shower is ofeveryone’sinterest.”
I ignore my mother and go back to telling Grey all about his precious ice hockey. Someone’s got to keep him updated.
Out of solidarity, the whole team decided to step back from playing any more games this season, though I’m not even sure that’s allowed. They have enough players who somehow got away from the accident with a few bruises and nothing more. Only one of them had broken something and another three are still in the hospital, though everyone but Grey are already conscious again, the rest are good to play. Except for that one guy who’s now paralyzed…
A few of them stick around though. They pop in to check on Grey a couple of times a day, and truthfully, it annoys me a little bit because it makes me wonder why they don’t go back home like the others did. They must have someone waiting for them, I’m sure. Or maybe they don’t. Maybe this team is their family and that’s why they can’t seem to go back home without knowing everyone is alright.
Grey’s mother and sister stopped by yesterday. I thought maybe their presence would bring up the vibe a little, especially with Sun being mostly like me, but even she was quiet.
I don’t know how much time passes, but the next time I take in my surroundings it’s already dark outside.
Assuming that nobody would come visit anymore today, I lie my head back down, though this time onto Grey’s body, looking up at him. A week after the accident and I’m now able to look at him without thinking about Charlie.
Wait, never mind, I just did.
I hate this. God, I hate all of this so fucking much.
I miss Grey. I miss his voice, his eyes. I miss seeing his frowns and the rare smiles. I miss just having him around even when we don’t talk. I even miss being on the opposite side of the country, desperately waiting for his nightly phone calls. I just misshim.
What if he doesn’t make it—No, I cannot think like this. Grey will survive.
But what if he won’t? What am I supposed to do without him in my life? How am I expected to just keep on living when I would’ve lost the man I thought I’d marry in a few years?
Grey’s the reason the world keeps spinning. If he’s not there, the whole sky might as well collapse.
To every single person out there, we might not make sense, and maybe we are polar opposites, but he’s who I can’t live without. If he goes down, I go down. If he’s upset, I’m upset. If he hates someone, I hate them, too.
If he dies, I die.
Then suddenly the door to Grey’s room opens, but I don’t bother to look up because there’s only a few people who’d show up at this hour. Only that the presence in this room now feels heavy.
“What are you doing here?” the deep voice asks, something spiteful in it.
I ignore him. If there’s one thing I am not willing to do right now, it’s argue with a shithead of a father.Grey’sfather.
The question isn’t what I am doing here, it’s whathe’sdoing here.
